Play 335: Just a Little Ironic

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
SEAN, 17

VINCENT
Know I find incredibly amusing?

SEAN
What?

VINCENT
This minister got in trouble for having sex with a male prostitute, and buying meth.

SEAN
Seriously?

VINCENT
Yeah. Know what’s even better?

SEAN
What?

VINCENT
He was the head of the National Association of Evangelicals.

SEAN
That’s hilarious.

VINCENT
The person who’s the head of an organization that is vehemently homophobic, and is always claiming moral superiority…got in trouble for having sex with a male prostitute and buying crystal meth.

SEAN
Ironic.

VINCENT
Saying that’s ironic is like saying Michael Jackson’s a little pale.

SEAN
Yeah.

(Pause.)

SEAN
So he admitted to all that?

VINCENT
Nope.

SEAN
Why is that not surprising?

VINCENT
Yeah. He said he never had sex with the prostitute.

SEAN
Typical.

VINCENT
But get this.

(Beat.)

He said he wasn’t going to do the meth, but was going to throw it away.

(Beat.)

SEAN
What?

VINCENT
No joke.

SEAN
What the fuck?

VINCENT
I know.

SEAN
He could’ve at least thought of something a little better.

VINCENT
I know.

(Beat.)

It’s way funnier this way though.

SEAN
No doubt.

(Blackout.)

Play 334: The Emotions of Politics

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
You’re not listening to me.

2
Yes I am.

1
Then how don’t you see that I’m right?

2
Quite easily apparently.

1
But how can you believe—

2
Can we just drop it ?

1
No.

2
It’s pointless.

1
No it’s not.

2
People’s political opinions aren’t tied into facts and evidence.

1
Yes they are.

2
They’ve done studies. Your politics are all in the emotional part of your brain.

1
They have?

2
Yeah.

(Beat.)

1
So?

2
So no matter what the other one says, each one of us isn’t going to change our minds because it’s all embedded in our brains, and no logic’s going to change that.

(Beat.)

1
The point of the argument isn’t just to convince people though.

2
What is the point then?

(Beat.)

1
I don’t know.

2
Neither do I.

(Pause.)

1
What do you want to talk about now?

2
No clue.

1
You can’t say we should stop talking about something, then have no back up plan.

2
I just did.

1
Bastard.

(Blackout.)

Play 333: Uh…

CHARACTERS
ANDREW, 17
MELISA, 17

ANDREW
Hey.

MELISA
Hey.

(Beat.)

ANDREW
How’s it going?

MELISA
It’s fine.

ANDREW
Yeah?

MELISA
Yeah.

(Beat.)

ANDREW
So…

(Beat.)

MELISA
What?

(Beat.)

ANDREW
Do you want to go out to dinner?

MELISA
Uh, sure. Who else is going?

(Beat.)

ANDREW
No one else is.

MELISA
Oh.

(Pause.)

MELISA
Oh shit.

ANDREW
What?

MELISA
I just remembered, I promised a friend I’d have dinner with her tonight. Do you think she could come along too?

(Beat.)

ANDREW
Who is it?

MELISA
Andrea.

(Beat.)

Is that okay?

ANDREW
Well…I don’t really know her that well.

MELISA
You could get to know her.

ANDREW
It might be kind of awkward.

MELISA
I think you two would like each other.

ANDREW
Maybe.

(Beat.)

So you’re sure you couldn’t have dinner with her some other time?

MELISA
I promised her.

(Beat.)

ANDREW
Maybe we could have dinner tomorrow night then?

(Beat.)

MELISA
I have a lot of work due.

ANDREW
Oh.

MELISA
Yeah. Sorry.

(Pause.)

ANDREW
Maybe next weekend?

MELISA
Uh…yeah, maybe.

ANDREW
Cool.

(Blackout.)

Play 332: Special Relativity Blows My Mind

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
Special relativity is some strange shit.

2
Yeah.

1
This one part of it I find especially crazy.

2
What?

1
Our common perception that the past is set, and the future is fluid is false.

2
What do you mean?

1
We like to think that the past is set in stone and is unchangeable, and the future hasn’t been determined yet.

(Beat.)

2
And that’s not true?

1
No.

2
Why?

1
Because one of the consequences of special relativity is that simultaneity, and time, are relative.

(Beat.)

2
What does that mean?

1
It means that time is different to people in different situations.

(Beat.)

2
What?

1
It’s hard to explain, but it’s true.

(Beat.)

2
So what does that have to do with the past and future and all that?

1
Since people have different concepts of time, one person’s past could be another’s future.

2
So?

1
So if everyone’s past is set, and someone’s past is another’s future, then the other person’s future is set too.

2
Okay.


(Pause.)

2
So what is true?

1
Well, either the past and future are both set, or both are fluid.

2
I get them both being set, I mean, I like to think the future isn’t, but that makes sense.

(Beat.)

But what would it mean that the past is fluid?

1
It means that your actions in the present can effect the past.

(Beat.)

2
That makes no sense.

1
At first it sounds weird, but it actually does.

2
How?

1
If the past changed, it would change everything that occurred after it, including the present and your memories of the past.

(Beat.)

2
So?

1
So it’d be different, but to you, it’d seem like it had always been that way.

(Beat.)

2
Okay…I think I get it.

(Pause.)

2
So either everything’s fixed, or everything’s not?

1
Yeah.

(Beat.)

2
That’s so strange.

1
Indeed,

(Blackout.)

Play 331: It’s Been a While

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
It’s been a while.

2
Yeah.

(Pause.)

1
How’ve you been?

2
Same as ever.

(Beat.)

How about you?

1
Same.

(Pause.)

2
Do you remember the last time we talked?

(Beat.)

1
Do you still work at the same place?

2
We should talk about it.

1
About what?

2
You know what I mean.
(Pause.)

1
Whatever happened to—

2
You can’t keep changing the subject.

1
We don’t have to talk about it.

2
We do.

(Pause.)

2
I’m sorry.

1
It’s okay.

2
I didn’t mean what I said.

1
It’s fine.

2
And I know you—

1
It’s fine.

(Pause.)

2
I do.

1
What?

2
Work at the same place.

1
That’s good.

2
Yeah.

(Blackout.)

Play 330: Together

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
I should go.

(Beat.)

2
It’s almost done.

1
I have to go.

(Beat.)

2
Just another five minutes?

1
Sorry.

2
Please?

1
I wish I could.

(Pause.)

2
When will you be back?

1
I don’t know.

(Beat.)

1
Go ahead and watch it without me.

2
I can wait.

1
Don’t worry about it.

2
We’ll watch it together when you get back.

(Pause.)

1
I really have to go.

2
Okay.

(Beat.)

1
I’m sorry.

(Beat.)

2
It’s okay.

1
See ya.

(Beat.)

2
Yeah.

(Beat.)

(1 exits.)

(Blackout.)

Play 329: I Wonder

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
When I see you—

2
I want to say something.

1
Even just say hi—

2
But you always look away—

1
Never meet my eyes—

2
I keep watching until you pass—

1
Just in case you look up.

2
But you never do.

1
But you never do.

(Beat.)

2
It’s been a while—

1
Since we talked.

2
Too long.

1
What happened?

1
What happened?

(Beat.)

1
I wonder sometimes.

2
We used to be close—

1
At least I think we did—

2
Or maybe I’m imagining it—

1
Maybe it’s always been this way.

2
Who knows.

1
I wonder if you feel the same—

2
If you ever think of me.

1
You probably don’t.

2
I doubt you do.

(Beat.)

1
Sometimes I wonder—

2
If things had gone slightly differently—

1
How close we might’ve been—

2
Even just a slight shift—

1
And it could all be different—

2
Because that’s how it works—

1
It’s all coincidences—

2
Relationships aren't any different—

1
No less random.

(Beat.)

2
Do you ever think of me?

1
Do you wonder too?

(Beat.)

1 AND 2
Who am I kidding?

(Blackout.)