Play 217: It’s a Joke?

CHARACTERS
MAN, mid 20s
DOCTOR, f, early 40s

(The man is sitting in an examination room, the doctor is standing up.)

(The doctor walks to a table, picks up a stethoscope and walks over to him.)

DOCTOR
Now I’m going to take a listen to your heart.

MAN
Then it’s good I brought it with me!

(They laugh.)

(Beat.)

(He reaches behind him, and places what appears to be a heart in front of the doctor.)

(A confused and slightly disturbed look comes across the doctor’s face.)

(Beat.)

(The doctor suddenly smiles, and then laughs.)

DOCTOR
Wow, you had me going there for a second.

(The man looks confused.)

DOCTOR
I must say, it was a pretty good joke, you must’ve been wanting to do that for a while, huh?

(Beat.)

(The heart on the table starts beating.)

(The doctor suddenly looks very disturbed.)

DOCTOR
(Confused.)
What is it—

(The heart suddenly beats harder, and squirts blood onto the doctor.)

(The doctor screams, and runs out of the room.)

(The man grins.)

(He picks up the heart and looks at it, then breaks into laughter.)

(Suddenly, he stops laughing, and falls off where he was sitting. The heart falls out of his hand as he collapses to the ground, and bounces a few times leaving bloody marks on the floor before coming to rest on the ground.)

(The man remains lying motionless, appearing to be dead.)

(The doctor re-enters.)

DOCTOR
Honestly, I can’t believe I fell for your joke, even though I must admit it was pretty elaborate and well done—

(She stops talking as her eyes fall to the ground, the dead man, and the heart. She screams in horror, and feints, falling to the ground on top of the man.)

(Blackout.)

Play 216: What Do You Want To Do?

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
DAVID, 17

(They are sitting on a couch watching TV.)

DAVID
How about you?

(Beat.)

VINCENT
(Slightly confused.)
What?

DAVID
What do you want to do?

VINCENT
Honestly? I have no fucking idea.

(Beat.)

I mean, sometimes I think I do, but there’s always part of me that wants the exact opposite so I never really know what—

DAVID
(Interrupting him, confused.)
What?

VINCENT
Huh?

DAVID
What are you talking about?

(Vincent looks at him with a look of thorough confusion.)

DAVID
I meant, what do you want to do now?

VINCENT
Now?

DAVID
Yeah.

(Beat.)

VINCENT
Oh.

(Beat.)

We could go see a movie or something.

DAVID
Hmm, maybe.

VINCENT
Some good ones just came out, we could meet some other people and see one of them.

(Beat.)

DAVID
Why not?

VINCENT
Cool.

(They get up, and leave the room.)

(Blackout.)

Play 215: NOT a Cop-out

CHARACTERS
1
2

2
I got nothing.

1
Nothing?

2
Absolutely nothing.

1
Why?

2
Tired.

1
And?

2
Been out all day.

1
So?

2
So I’m beat.

1
Doesn’t mean you can’t write something.

2
I have no ideas though.

1
So?

2
It’s important.

1
So think of something.

2
No time.

1
Huh?

2
It’s almost twelve.

1
Oh.

2
Yeah.

(Beat.)

1
Wow.

2
What?

1
You have like fifteen minutes.

2
I know.

(Beat.)

1
You’re fucked.

2
(Sarcastically.)
Really?

(Blackout.)

Play 214: The New Guy

CHARACTERS
1
2

(1 is standing in a dark alleyway, it’s very late at night. 2 walks up to him.)

2
Hey.

1
Hey.

(Beat.)

What are you here for?

2
Uhh…do you…

(Beat.)

(He starts whispering.)
Have any…well…

1
(Very loudly.)
Drugs?

(2 is taken aback by the loudness of his statement.)

2
Shh!

(He puts his index finger on his lips.)

Don’t you think you should keep it down?

1
Why?

2
(Whispering.)
Well…

1
(Loudly.)
Oh, because it’s illegal?

2
Shh!

1
You need to calm down.

2
(Frustrated.)
Could we just get this done with?

1
Sure, what you want?

2
(Whispering.)
Well, I was thinking—

1
(Interrupting him, loudly.)
Dope, coke, ecstasy—

2
Shut up!

1
Hey, if you’re going to disrespect me like that—

2
You’re new at this aren’t you?

1
How’d you guess?

2
(Whispering.)
Just here.

(He shoves a wad of money in 1’s hand.)

Now give me some coke so I can get the hell out of here.

1
(Loudly.)
How much coke do you want?

2
(Angrily.)
You know what?

(He grabs the money back.)

Fuck this!

1
I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t swear and—

2
Fuck you.

(He leaves.)

(Beat.)

(1 shakes his head.)

1
(To the audience.)
What’s up his ass?

(Blackout.)

Play 213: Strange Story

CHARACTERS
JAMES, 18
EMILY, 18

(They sit in a coffee shop, there are drinks and some small pastries on the table.)

EMILY
Sure.

JAMES
It’s a little hard to understand.

EMILY
Just tell the story.

JAMES
Okay.

(Beat, he takes a bite from a pastry.)

So, I was at school, and I was hanging out with Robert.

EMILY
Why were you both at school?

JAMES
School wasn’t over yet.

EMILY
Oh.

JAMES
I actually don’t remember if it was Robert though, I think it was, but I can’t really remember too clearly.

(Beat, he takes a sip of his drink.)

So anyways, we’re hanging out at school and walking through the hallways and stuff.

EMILY
What’s hard to understand?

JAMES
It’s coming.

(Beat.)

So, we were in Physics class, and our teacher had brought in cookies for some reason.

EMILY
That’s cool.

JAMES
Yeah.

(Beat.)

So when it was done, I took a cookie and left, but I couldn’t eat much of it really, I felt a little sick.

EMILY
That sucks.

JAMES
It’s okay.

EMILY
Wait, was Robert still with you?

JAMES
No, he kind of vanished at some point.

EMILY
(Slightly confused.)
Oh.

JAMES
So then I went to the computer lab, I forget why.

EMILY
Is this story going anywhere?

JAMES
Yeah, just a bit longer.

EMILY
Okay.

(She takes a sip of her drink.)

JAMES
So anyways, once I finished whatever it was I was doing in the computer lab, I went outside to leave, and it was odd, where the main doors normally are there were these glass doors that like opened automatically.

EMILY
Wait, they changed the doors?

JAMES
Yeah.

EMILY
When?

JAMES
I’m not sure really, I just know they were like that by that time.

EMILY
That’s weird.

JAMES
So anyways, then this one teacher—I forget which one—came in, and she started smoking and the fire alarm went off.

EMILY
I don’t remember the fire alarm having gone of lately.

JAMES
Well it did.

(Beat.)

EMILY
Okay.

JAMES
So we all headed outside like usual.

EMILY
(Starting to get bored.)
Okay.

JAMES
And it was odd, a bunch of random people were there like some friends of mine from middle school.

EMILY
(Confused.)
What?

JAMES
It was strange.

EMILY
How did they get there?

JAMES
No clue.

(Beat, she takes a sip from her drink.)

EMILY
(Flatly.)
So what happened next?

JAMES
So then stuff started getting really weird.

EMILY
(Regaining some interest.)
Yeah?

JAMES
So then I got this bizarre feeling that something was horribly wrong.

EMILY
Really?

JAMES
Yeah, and then the ground split open, so I started running but something grabbed me from behind—

EMILY
(Very confused.)
What are you talking about?

JAMES
I’m telling you what happened.

EMILY
But it doesn’t make any sense.

JAMES
Well it was a dream.

EMILY
What?

(Beat.)

JAMES
Did I forget to tell you that?

(Beat.)

EMILY
Yeah.

(Beat.)

JAMES
Oh.

(Beat.)

Now I understand why you were confused.

EMILY
Yeah.

(Beat.)

So then what happened?

(Blackout.)

Play 212: Which Ones?

CHARACTERS
1
2

(They are sitting at a table.)

1
Do you ever have those moments?

(Beat.)

2
Which ones?

(Beat.)

1
You weren’t listening to me were you?

(Beat.)

2
Yeah I was.

1
You weren’t.

(Beat.)

2
I’m sorry.

(Beat.)

1
It’s okay.

2
What were you saying?

1
It’s not really important.

2
I want to hear.

1
It’s out of context now.

2
You could still say it.

1
Nah.

(Beat.)

2
I’m sorry.

1
It’s okay.

(Blackout.)

Play 211: And?

CHARACTERS
1, m, 24
2, m, 23

(They are sitting at a table in a restaurant.)

1
That reminds me of something.

2
Yeah?

1
The funniest thing happened to me today.

2
Really?

1
Yeah.

(Beat.)

So my friend—

2
(Interrupting him.)
Your friend?

1
Yeah, so she comes up to me—

2
And then what?

1
I was just about to say it.

2
Oh, okay.

(Beat.)

Go on.

1
So she comes up to me and she says—

2
What does she say?

1
(Slightly frustrated.)
So she told me the funniest story, and—

2
What was the story?

1
(Annoyed.)
I was just getting there.

2
Really?

1
Yes.

2
Well don’t let me stop you.

1
Then don’t.

2
What?

1
Whenever I tell the story you interrupt me.

2
No I don’t, just keep telling it, you’ll see.

1
Okay.

(Beat.)

So she says that she was having lunch with her friend, and—

2
And then what happened?

(Beat, 1 gives 2 an annoyed look.)

2
What?

1
You did it again.

2
No I didn’t.

(Beat.)

1
Nevermind.

2
No, go on.

1
No, forget it.

2
You sure?

1
Yeah.

(Beat.)

2
You know, I just remembered a funny story.

1
(Flatly.)
Really?

2
Yeah, so I was walking down the street yesterday—

(Blackout.)