Play 91: Tickets part VI

CHARACTERS
MAN
TICKET SALESMEN

MAN
You’ve shot down every idea of mine, I’m not going to just keep guessing.

TS
Do you have a choice?

MAN
You have to have something in mind.

TS
I do not.

(Beat.)

MAN
Nothing?

TS
No.

(Beat.)

TS
Well, there might be one thing.

MAN
Tell me.

TS
I doubt you will be willing to do it though.

MAN
You don’t understand how badly I need to get on this train. If I miss it (beat.) I don’t think I could ever forgive myself.

TS
It will mean losing everything.

MAN
Just tell me.

TS
We switch places.

MAN
What?

TS
I take your life and you take mine.

MAN
That doesn’t even make sense! You can’t just switch places!

TS
We can.

MAN
I mean, everyone could tell it’s some other person and not you!

TS
They won’t.

MAN
They will.

TS
You underestimate the entirety of the switch.

MAN
What?

TS
Just trust me, not a soul will notice.

MAN
But if you’re me and I’m you then won’t it be you who goes on the train?

TS
No, of course my proposition will not take effect until after you return.

(Beat.)

MAN
You’re serious about this aren’t you?

TS
Completely.

MAN
I’ll need to think about this.

TS
It is to be expected.

(Beat.)

MAN
So after I come back, I’m you?

TS
And I’m you.

MAN
For how long?

TS
This is not a temporary exchange.

MAN
It’s for good?

TS
Yes.

(Pause, the man stands still in deep thought, he looks extremely conflicted.)

MAN
(Distraught.)
Is there any other way I can get on this train?

TS
It appears you have nothing worthy to give up.

MAN
So no?

TS
No. I should not even be allowing you on this train, only those who have sacrificed in the truest meaning of the word are allowed on, I am making an exception.

MAN
Why?

TS
It cannot be explained, but if you agree one day you may come to know.

MAN
What is that supposed to mean?

TS
This conversation has gone on long enough—do you accept my offer or not?

(Pause.)

MAN
I’ll do it.

TS
Are you sure.

MAN
Yes.

TS
There is no going back.

MAN
I know.

(The ticket salesmen reaches down into somewhere in the ticket booth. He pulls out a ticket.)

TS
Here you are.

(He hands him the ticket. He takes it.)

MAN
Thanks.

TS
It has been my pleasure.

MAN
So where’s the train.

TS
On track eight.

(He points to a set of stairs off to the side.)

MAN
So I can leave?

TS
Yes. When are you planning on coming back?

MAN
In a few days.

TS
I’ll be here waiting.

MAN
Okay.

(He walks down the stairs the ticket salesmen had pointed to.)

(Blackout.)

Play 90: Tickets part V

CHARACTERS
MAN
TICKET SALESMEN

(The ticket salesmen is inside a ticket booth in a train station, the man is standing outside it talking to him.)

MAN
This is harder than I thought it would be.

TS
It always is.

(Pause.)

MAN
How about (beat.) my soul?

TS
Too cliché.

MAN
I should’ve known.

TS
I mean, who do you think I am, the devil?

MAN
No, sorry.

TS
It’s fine, you just cannot comprehend how many times I have heard that.

MAN
Okay.

(Pause.)

MAN
I can’t think of anything.

TS
Then you cannot have the tickets.

MAN
(Pleading.)
Please, just tell me something and I’ll give it up.

TS
I cannot do that.

MAN
Why not?

TS
Because it is not how it is done.

MAN
Who cares?

TS
I do.

MAN
Why?

TS
Listen, I am not going to have this conversation. Either think of something, or you leave here without the tickets. Take your pick.

(Beat.)

MAN
I need them.

TS
Then think of something.

(Pause.)

MAN
Just (beat.) what do you want?

TS
You should be asking yourself that, not me.

(Blackout.)

Play 89: Tickets part IV

CHARACTERS
MAN
TICKET SALESMAN

(A train station. There is a ticket booth, the ticket salesmen is inside it and the man is standing outside talking to him.)

TS
What are you willing to give?

(Pause, the man stands in confused silence.)

MAN
How about my watch?

(He undoes the clasp on his watch.)

TS
No.

MAN
What, I swear, it’s worth a lot.

(He starts pulling the watch off.)

TS
You aren’t understanding me, I said no money.

(He stops pulling the watch off.)

MAN
It’s not money.

TS
What’s the difference?

MAN
Well, one’s a watch and one’s money.

TS
It is the same thing.

MAN
If you say so.

(He puts his watch back in place and closes the clasp.)

MAN
Then what do you want?

TS
As I said, whatever you’re willing to give.

(The man runs his hand through his hair, he appears to be deep in thought.)

MAN
I can’t think of anything.

TS
Whatever is important to you.

MAN
(Frustrated.)
How about my computer? I’m on it constantly, but fuck do I need to get on this train!

TS
To get what you want you need to truly sacrifice.

MAN
Exactly!

TS
If that is all you have to offer than I am afraid this conversation is pointless.

MAN
(Worried.)
No! I’ll give…

(His voice trails off.)

TS
What?

MAN
I’ll give up my job, just please, let me on the train!

TS
You're getting closer.

MAN
(Angry.)
What? That’s not enough.

TS
Maybe if your job meant more to you, if it was more important to you, if it defined who you are in your mind.

MAN
How do you know it doesn’t.

TS
Don’t try that with me, I do not appreciate lies.

MAN
How do you know I don’t like my job?

TS
I could see it since you stepped in my sight.

MAN
Well maybe you’re wrong.

TS
Never.

MAN
(Frustrated.)
Look, if you’re not going to accept anything I offer, then can you just tell me what you want me to say so you’ll give me the tickets?

TS
I’m sorry, but I cannot.

MAN
Not even a hint of the kind of thing you want?

TS
No.

MAN
Fine then.

(Beat.)

MAN
This is harder than I thought it would be.

TS
It always is.

(Blackout.)

Play 88: Nervous Energy

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
ANNA, 17
VOICE

(They are sitting at a table playing cards.)

(Every couple of seconds he adjusts his shirt.)

ANNA
Stop that.

VINCENT
What?

(He tugs on his shirt.)

ANNA
That.

VINCENT
What are you talking about?

ANNA
Stop messing with your shirt.

VINCENT
Oh.

(He looks down at his hand, which is holding on to his shirt.)

Okay.

(Pause, they continue playing cards.)

(He starts tapping his foot rapidly on the ground.)

(Pause.)

ANNA
Could you stop.

VINCENT
What?

ANNA
You’re leg.

(He looks down.)

VINCENT
Oh.

(He stops tapping his foot, they continue playing cards.)

(He starts biting on his nails.)

(Pause.)

ANNA
Vincent.

VINCENT
Yeah?

ANNA
Could you please just stop fidgeting.

VINCENT
Oh yeah, sorry.

(He takes his hand out of his mouth.)

(They continue playing for a few seconds in silence.)

(His entire body starts shaking very slightly.)

(Pause.)

ANNA
(Angrily.)
Vincent, can you please stop.

VINCENT
I don’t know what’s happening, I (beat.) I can’t.

VOICE
(Deep, seeming to come from everywhere.)
Warning: nervous energy levels increasing at a rapid rate.

ANNA
(Slightly scared.)
What the hell is happening?

VINCENT
(Confused and a little scared as well.)
I don’t know.

(He starts shaking more noticeably.)

VOICE
Warning: nervous energy reaching critical levels.

(Vincent starts shaking faster and more violently.)

ANNA
Holy shit, Vincent, you’re shaking like crazy!

VINCENT
I am?

ANNA
How can you not notice?

VINCENT
I (beat.) I don’t feel good.

ANNA
Are you okay?

VOICE
Warning: nervous energy containment system collapsing!

(Vincent starts shaking even more violently, it gets more so every second.)

(He falls off his chair.)

ANNA
Vincent!

(She jumps out of her chair and rushes to him.)

ANNA
Are you okay?

VINCENT
I (beat.) I…

(Suddenly there is a giant explosion, she is tossed back multiple feet. When the smoke clears, Vincent is gone and Anna is lying multiple feet away looking shocked and confused.)

ANNA
What the (beat.) Vincent?

(She looks around.)

Vincent?!

(Blackout.)

Play 87: Tickets part III

CHARACTERS
MAN
MYSTERIOUS MAN
TICKET SALESMEN

(In the back of the stage is a booth with the sign “Tickets” over it. The ticket salesmen is in it.)

(The mysterious man enters and starts walking towards the booth.)

(The man other man enters quickly, almost at a run, and slows down once he catches up with him.)

MAN
Where are we going?

MM
Look.

(He points to the booth.)

(The man looks at it.)

MAN
Thank god.

(Beat.)

And thanks for showing me where it was.

MM
You’re welcome.

(The man starts to head over to the ticket booth, then pauses and turns back to him.)

MAN
Wait, if this is the ticket booth then why were you so cryptic in what you were saying?

MM
I think you should speak with him

(He points to the man in the ticket booth.)

Before you ask me that question.

MAN
(confused.)
What are you talking about, are they really expensive or something?

MM
I’m sorry, but I have to leave. I’ve gotten you here, you should be able to figure it out for yourself now.

(Beat.)

MAN
(Even more confused after hearing the mysterious man’s last statement.)
Yeah, I’m sure I can get the tickets. I mean, how hard can it be?

(The mysterious man exits without answering.)

(Beat.)

(The man walks over to the booth.)

MAN
Hi.

TS
Hello.

MAN
May I have tickets for the next train to—

TS
(Cutting the man off.)
No need to say your destination, there is only one.

MAN
What?

TS
We don’t bother with multiple train lines here.

MAN
But then how can everyone get where they want to, not everyone’s going to the same place.

TS
Yes they are.

MAN
What?

TS
They’re all heading for wherever it is vitally important that they get to.

MAN
(Thoroughly confused.)
Well, yeah, but (beat.) that’s not a place.

TS
Why not?

MAN
Because

(He is so flustered he has to pause for a few seconds.)

Because where everyone wants to go is different, how can it be one place?

TS
You are thinking too narrowly.

MAN
But, it just doesn’t work that way.

(The ticket salesmen looks confused as well now.)

TS
Sir, I’m sorry, but I do not follow your train of logic.

MAN
Wait, you don’t follow my logic?

TS
I assure you I do not.

(Beat, the man looks very confused.)

MAN
Look, just, will the train take me to San Francisco?

TS
That is where it is of vital importance that you go?

MAN
Yeah.

TS
Then yes.

MAN
So it’ll take me to San Francisco.

TS
Yes.

MAN
Okay.

(Beat.)

So can I get a ticket then?

TS
If you can pay for it.

MAN
Of course, how much?

TS
How much are you willing to pay?

MAN
Well, I have fifty dollars on me, I’m sure that’s a lot more than it costs.

TS
I’m sorry, but that will not suffice.

MAN
That’s ridiculous!

(Beat.)

Fine, I’ll give you all fifty, just give me the ticket, I need to leave.

TS
That’s not what I meant.

MAN
What?

TS
I didn’t mean you needed to pay more money.

MAN
So how much is it, ten, twenty?

TS
Why are you so intent on paying in money?

MAN
What do you want then?

TS
What are you willing to give?

(Pause, the man stands in confused silence.)

(He opens his mouth to start to say something.)

(Blackout.)

Play 86: Tickets part II

CHARACTERS
MAN
MYSTERIOUS MAN

(The man is searching franticly around on the left side of the stage, which is part of a large train station.)

MAN
Fuck!

(He keeps searching.)

(A mysterious man enters from the right side of the stage.)

(He walks towards the man searching, as he gets close the other man notices him.)

MAN
Do you know where I can get tickets for the train?

MM
That all depends.

MAN
(Confused.)
What?

MM
What do you need them for?

(Beat.)

MAN
I need to get on a train.

MM
Of course, but why?

MAN
There’s somewhere I need to be. I can’t be late.

MAN 2
How important is it to you to get there?

MAN
Why does that matter, can’t you just tell me where I can get tickets?

MM
You’ll have to answer my question first.

MAN
(He is now thoroughly confused but obviously desperate enough to go along with it.)
Yes (beat.) it’s extremely important.

(Beat.)

MM
Good, I can tell you are being honest.

MAN
(Slightly irritated.)
So can you tell me where I can get the tickets?

MM
As I said before, it depends.

MAN
(Annoyed.)
What?

MM
If you don’t want my help—

MAN
(Cutting him off.)
No no, I’m sorry, I just thought once I told you how important it is you’d help me.

MM
I will help you.

MAN
So you’ll tell me where I can get tickets?

MM
In a manner of speaking.

MAN
What do you mean?

(Beat.)

MM
I think it’s for the best if you just follow me.

(He starts walking off towards the right side of the stage.)

MAN
Hey, what the hell is going on?

(The mysterious man continues walking without responding.)

MAN
(Mutters to himself.)
This is ridiculous.

(The mysterious man exits.)

(Beat.)

MAN
Hey, wait!

(He runs after him.)

(Blackout.)

Play 85: Tickets part I

CHARACTERS
MAN
PASSERBY 1
PASSERBY 2
PASSERBY 3

(The man is in a crowded train station. He looks panicked.)
(Someone walks by him.)

MAN
Hey, do you know where I can get tickets?

(They walk past him without responding.)

MAN
(After them.)
Hey!

(They exit.)

MAN
Hey, you!

(Another person walks by him.)

MAN
Do you know where I can—

(They keep walking.)

MAN
Fuck!

(Another person walks in his direction.)

MAN
Hello?

(He stops.)

PASSERBY 1
Yeah?

MAN
Oh, thank god. Do you know where I can get tickets?

(Pause.)

PASSERBY
Nope.

(He walks off.)

MAN
(Frantically to himself.)
What am I gonna do what am I gonna…

(Another person walks by him.)

MAN
Do you know where I can get tickets?

(She stops.)

(Beat.)

PASSERBY 2
Hmm

(Beat.)

Over there I think.

(She points to the right, then walks off.)

MAN
(After her.)
Thank you!

(He walks over to the right side of the stage and looks around frantically.)

MAN
(To himself.)
Where the hell is…

(Someone walks by.)

MAN
Excuse me.

(The person turns towards him.)

PASSERBY 3
Yeah?

MAN
Do you know where I can get tickets?

PASSERBY
I don’t think so.

MAN
Are you sure? It’s important.

PASSERBY 3
Hmm

(They pause, thinking.)

Oh, yeah, I remember!

MAN
Really?

PASSERBY 3
It’s over there.

(She points over to the left, and then walks off.)

MAN
(To himself.)
Well, maybe the other person didn’t know what they were talking about.

(He quickly goes over to the left side of the stage and looks around.)

(After a few seconds his searching becomes more frantic.)

MAN
Fuck!

(Blackout.)