Play 98: Nevermind (My Attempt At Subtext.)

CHARACTERS
DAVE, 26
EMILY, 25

(They are in an orderly kitchen. He is sitting at a small table with a cup of coffee, a bowl of cereal, and a newspaper on the table in front of him. She too has a cup of coffee in front of her.)

(He sips on his cup of coffee and reads the newspaper.)

(She sits in silence.)

EMILY
Dave?

(He looks up from the newspaper.)

DAVE
Yeah?

EMILY
You haven’t said a word all breakfast.

DAVE
Really? I guess I’m just tired.

EMILY
Okay.

(Pause.)

DAVE
You know I was—

EMILY
(Interrupting him.)
Oh!

(Beat.)

Sorry, did I interrupt you?

DAVE
Yeah.

EMILY
I’m sorry, what were you going to say?

(Beat.)

DAVE
I (Beat.) Or, you go first.

EMILY
Okay. (Beat.) Well, I just remembered that George and Sarah asked us to come over to their house for dinner tonight.

DAVE
Oh?

EMILY
Yeah, I forgot to tell you about it last night.

DAVE
Don’t worry about it.

EMILY
So do you want to go?

(Beat.)

DAVE
Yeah.

EMILY
Great! I’m excited, we haven’t seen them in such a long time.

(Beat.)

DAVE
Wow, I guess we haven’t now that I think about it.

(Pause.)

EMILY
But anyways, what were you going to say?

DAVE
When?

EMILY
When I interrupted you.

DAVE
Oh.

(Beat.)

EMILY
Well?

DAVE
Well, I was thinking—

(His voice trails off.)

EMILY
What?

(Beat.)

DAVE
Or, nevermind, it’s not important.

EMILY
No, what was it?

DAVE
It was nothing.

EMILY
Come on baby, you can tell me.

DAVE
I know just (beat.) just, nevermind.

EMILY
You sure?

DAVE
Yeah.

EMILY
But you do want to go to George and Sarah’s, right?

DAVE
Yeah yeah, of course.

EMILY
Great!

(She smiles.)

(She looks at him.)

You know, I love you so much.

(Beat.)

DAVE
I love you too.

(She leans over the table and they kiss.)

(Lights down.)

Play 97: Venting In Scene Form (aka, If I Was As Violent A Person As Scene Like This Would Suggest, I Would Be On Death Row)

CHARACTERS
ANNOUNCER, Middle-aged
VINCENT, 17
GIRL, 17
GIRL 2, 17
GIRL 3, 17
GUY 1, 17
GUY 2, 17
GUY 3, 17

(The announcer stands off slightly to the side on the front of the stage with a microphone stand in front of him. There is a spotlight on him.)

ANNOUNCER
Welcome everyone, to today’s episode of “Shit You Would Pull If It Weren’t For Your Morality and The Possible Repercussions.” Without further ado, here’s the first scenario.

(The spotlight goes out.)

(Lights up on the middle section of the stage, where two girls are talking.)

GIRL 1
I mean, what a slut.

GIRL 2
I know.

(Girl 3 enters. She walks up to them.)

GIRL 1
What the fuck do you want?

GIRL 3
I just—

GIRL 1
(Cutting her off.)
Well I don’t care, why don’t you go kill yourself you fat stupid bitch.

(Girl 3 runs offstage crying.)

GIRL 1
Who did she think she is trying to talk to us?

GIRL 2
Who knows, I don’t understand ugly people.

(Vincent enters. He walks over to them, they don’t appear to notice.)

GIRL 1
So, yesterday, I totally—

(She is cut off mid-sentence by Vincent punching her in the face. She is launched to the side and falls over.)

(Girl 2 stands staring in mute and utter shock.)

VINCENT
That’s for treating her like shit!

(He kicks her.)

That’s for being a heartless bitch in general!

(He kicks her again.)

And that’s for being stupid stupid stupid!

(He kicks her several more times.)

(Girl 2 runs offstage in horror.)

(Lights down in the middle of the stage, spotlight back up on announcer.)

ANNOUNCER
God do I want to do that sometimes.

(Beat.)

Onwards to the next scenario!

(Spotlight down, lights up on middle of stage. There are two guys talking.)

GUY 1
And can you imagine, that bitch got mad at me for not calling her the next day?

GUY 2
What the fuck?

GUY 1
I know, it’s like, sorry bitch, but if I wanted to talk to you, would I have left in the middle of the night after I fucked you?

GUY 2
What a dumb ho.

GUY 1
I know.

(Beat.)

I mean, who did she think I was? A goddamn fag?

(Vincent enters with a baseball bat.)

GUY 1
(To him.)
What the hell do you want?

(Vincent bashes him in the face with the baseball bat.)

(He falls to the ground.)

(Lights down on middle of the stage, spotlight back on announcer.)

ANNOUNCER
Baseball bat to the face, classic.

(Beat.)

And now our last one for the night!

(Spotlight down, lights up on middle of the stage. Vincent is sitting next to another guy at a table eating lunch.)

VINCENT
I dunno, it’s just been really getting to me lately.

(Guy 3 doesn’t respond, he appears to not be listening.)

(Pause.)

VINCENT
Did you hear what I said?

GUY 3
Oh, sorry, what were you talking about?

VINCENT
Here, let me try to rephrase it.

(Beat.)

(He pulls out a knife and stabs the guy in the back.)

(He falls over grasping at the knife in his back and screaming.)

VINCENT
(Filled with hostility.)
Did you hear it that time, huh?!

(Lights down, spotlight back on announcer.)

ANNOUNCER
Well, that’s it for tonight ladies and gentleman. Tune in next time, when we’ll have “Won’t he ever shut up?” and “Shoving dynamite up stuck-up white people’s asses.” Goodnight.

(He walks offstage.)

(Blackout.)

Play 96: Are You High?

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
GREG, 17

VINCENT
Minds are weird.

GREG
What?

VINCENT
They are.

(Beat.)

GREG
Okay.

VINCENT
What?

GREG
Sorry, it’s just a weird thing to say.

VINCENT
So?

GREG
Nevermind.

(Beat.)

What were you saying?

VINCENT
I dunno, just, like you know how they say you only use ten percent of your mind?

GREG
Yeah.

VINCENT
Well think about it.

GREG
Okay…

(Beat.)

I don’t get what’s so weird about that.

VINCENT
I didn’t either for a while, but I heard more about it and it means you’re not at all aware of the vast majority of your mind.

GREG
What do you mean?

VINCENT
It’s all subconscious.

GREG
I guess that’s a little weird.

VINCENT
And, everything that defines who you are is in that part.

GREG
So?

VINCENT
I dunno, it just trips me out.

GREG
It’s not that weird.

VINCENT
I think it is. (Beat.) I mean, it makes a ton of sense, but it’s still weird to think about.

GREG
I guess.

(Pause.)

GREG
Are you high?

VINCENT
What? No.

GREG
You sure?

VINCENT
Yes I’m sure. How the hell would I not be?

GREG
I dunno.

VINCENT
Like, oops, I guess someone must’ve pulled the ol’ weed in the coke can prank again!

GREG
Chill.

VINCENT
Sorry.

(Beat.)

Why do you assume just because I’m trying to talk about something philosophical and deep that I’m high.

GREG
I don’t.

VINCENT
You just did.

GREG
I guess.

VINCENT
It’s just annoying, I mean this shit is fascinating.

GREG
It is interesting, but—

(His voice trails off.)

VINCENT
What?

GREG
But you sounded really high.

VINCENT
No I didn’t.

GREG
Yes (beat.) you did.

VINCENT
I still think you’re wrong.

GREG
Well have fun with that.

VINCENT
Why do I talk to you anyways?

GREG
Cause I’m the one who’ll listen to this crap without shooting you.

(They laugh.)

VINCENT
Will you at least admit my point was interesting?

GREG
A little.

VINCENT
Come on.

GREG
That’s all you’re getting.

VINCENT
Oh really (beat) what about now?

(He makes his hand into a gun shape and points it towards Greg.)

(Greg sees it and laughs.)

GREG
Nope.

(Vincent laughs.)

VINCENT
Damn.

(Blackout.)

Play 95: Conversation Resuscitation

CHARACTERS
MAN
WOMAN
DOCTOR

(The man and woman are sitting at a table in a fancy restaurant. They both have glasses of wine in front of them.)

WOMAN
(Slightly surprised.)
Really?

MAN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

But I mean, you know him, so it’s nothing new really.

WOMAN
I guess so.

(Pause, they sip on their wine.)

MAN
How was your day?

WOMAN
It was good.

MAN
Anything interesting happen?

WOMAN
Not really.

(Beat.)

Or, there was this one thing.

MAN
Oh?

WOMAN
Part of the building got flooded and—

MAN
(Interrupting her.)
And all the elevators were shut down for a little over an hour.

WOMAN
I told you that already didn’t I?

MAN
Yeah.

WOMAN
I’m sorry.

MAN
No, don’t worry about it, it’s fine.

(Pause, they sit drinking their wine for a few seconds.)

WOMAN
So…

MAN
So.

(Pause.)

(Suddenly the doctor jumps into the restaurant.)

DOCTOR
Oh no, we’re losing it!

(He runs over to the table they are sitting at.)

(They look up to him in confusion.)

DOCTOR
Quickly, there isn’t much time!

MAN
Umm, what are you talking about?

DOCTOR
It’s the conversation!

WOMAN
What?

DOCTOR
We’re losing it!

(He pulls out a defibrillator.)

MAN
Excuse me, but what are you doing?

DOCTOR
Clear!

(The doctor lunges at the man and shocks him with the defibrillator.)

(The man screams in pain and convulses and then goes limp on his chair.)

WOMAN
(Panicked.)
What are you doing?!

(She stands up.)

DOCTOR
Oh no, it’s not working! Clear!

(He shocks the man again. He convulses and then goes limp again.)

WOMAN
(Angry.)
Are you out of your mind?!

(She steps in between the doctor and the man.)

DOCTOR
Look ma’am, I’ve done all I can. It should make it, but it’s condition is still critical.

WOMAN
Get the hell out of here!

(The doctor leaves.)

(The woman places her hands on the man’s shoulders.)

WOMAN
Are you okay?

(He remains motionless.)

(She shakes him lightly.)

(He shakes slightly and regains consciousness.)

MAN
What happened?

(Blackout.)

Play 94: It’s Just Everything (aka, Lockers IV)

CHARACTERS
1, m, 16
2, m, 16

(They sit with their backs to a row of lockers in an empty hallway.)

1
So that’s my day.

2
Cool.

1
How bout you?

2
Shit.

1
What?

2
It was shit.

1
I’m sorry.

2
You didn’t do anything.

1
You know what I mean.

2
Yeah.

1
So why?

2
Why was my day shit?

1
Yeah.

2
Cause life sucks.

1
I mean what happened?

2
Nothing.

1
Then why do you feel bad?

2
You know when someone asks you that, and you want to say it’s nothing, but that’s just because there isn’t anything in particular. But it’s not nothing, it’s just everything.

1
I think so.

2
Well that’s why.

1
I’m sorry.

2
Yeah, thanks.

(Beat.)

1
You want to talk about it?

2
Not really.

1
Blowing off some steam might do you some good.

2
Maybe.

(Beat.)

But I always think that and when I actually do talk about what’s making me feel like shit I just feel worse because in talking about it I just mull over everything and realize more things that make me feel even more miserable.

1
Maybe we should just change the subject then.

2
Yeah.

(Beat.)

So you did badly on that test?

1
Yeah.

2
That sucks.

1
A little, I really don’t care too much though.

2
Oh.

1
Yeah.

(Pause.)

2
This conversation sucks.

1
It does.

2
Got any other ideas?

1
I don’t know.

2
Me neither.

(Beat.)

How fitting.

1
What?

2
Nevermind.

(Blackout.)

Play 93: Dances Suck

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
TOBIAS, 17

(They are sitting in chairs off to the side at a high school dance. There are many people dancing in the central dance floor, loud rap music is playing and the stage is lit by multi-colored lights from all around the stage.)

TOBIAS
(Yelling, but still just barely audible over the constant blaring of the music.)
What?!

VINCENT
I said what time is it?!

TOBIAS
(Looking down at his watch.)
Ten o’five!

VINCENT
Okay!

(Beat.)

And when is the dance over again?!

TOBIAS
Twelve.

VINCENT
What?!

TOBIAS
Twelve!

VINCENT
Fuck.

TOBIAS
What?!

VINCENT
Fuck!

TOBIAS
I know.

VINCENT
I fucking hate this music.

TOBIAS
What?!

VINCENT
I fucking hate this music!

(A girl dancing nearby to them looks over seeming to have heard his comment. She give him a nasty look and turn back away.)

TOBIAS
Me too.

VINCENT
Dances are depressing.

TOBIAS
What?!

VINCENT
I said dances are depressing!

TOBIAS
What?!

VINCENT
I said I fucking hate dances!

TOBIAS
Me too!

(Pause.)

VINCENT
So it ends at twelve?!

TOBIAS
Yeah!

VINCENT
What time is it now?

(Tobias looks down at his watch.)

TOBIAS
Ten o’six!

VINCENT
It’s been one minute?!

TOBIAS
Yeah!

VINCENT
Fuck.

TOBIAS
What?!

VINCENT
Fuck!

TOBIAS
Yeah.

(Fade out.)

Play 92: Tickets part VII

CHARACTERS
TICKET SALESMEN
MAN 2

(The ticket salesmen is inside a booth, there is a sign with the word “Tickets” hanging over it, and the man is outside the booth talking to him.)

MAN 2
So the train will take me to Philadelphia?

TS
Is that where you need to go?

MAN 2
Yeah.

TS
Then yeah, the train’ll get you there.

MAN 2
(Slightly confused.)
So it’ll take me to Philadelphia?

TS
(Annoyed.)
Yeah, isn’t that what I said?

MAN 2
Sorry, I’m just a little confused by all of this.

TS
It’s okay.

MAN 2
So, how much do they cost?

(Beat.)

This should cover it.

(He puts a twenty dollar bill on the counter of the ticket booth.)

TS
Nope.

MAN 2
What?

TS
Money’s no good here.

(The man takes back the money.)

MAN 2
Do you take credit cards?

(He places a credit card on the counter.)

TS
No.

(The man takes the credit card back.)

MAN
Checks?

TS
(Annoyed.)
No. No money.

MAN 2
(Confused.)
But I can buy the tickets here, right?

TS
Yeah, isn’t this the ticket booth after all?

MAN 2
Okay.

(Beat.)

So what do you want?

TS
What you willing to give?

(Blackout.)