Play 279: I Though You Liked Them

CHARACTERS
LOGAN, early 30s
APRIL, early 30s

(They enter.)

LOGAN
Why are you being so quiet?

APRIL
I’m not.

LOGAN
You didn’t say a word the entire ride home.

APRIL
I didn’t?

LOGAN
No.

(Beat.)

LOGAN
And you were quiet at dinner too.

APRIL
I guess I’m tired.

(Long pause.)

LOGAN
Did you have a good time tonight?

APRIL
Yeah.

(Beat.)

LOGAN
What?

APRIL
Nothing.

LOGAN
Is something wrong?

APRIL
No.

LOGAN
You can tell me.

APRIL
I’m fine.

LOGAN
No you aren’t.

APRIL
I’m just tired.

LOGAN
You were okay earlier today though.

(Beat.)

APRIL
I’m tired of all this.

LOGAN
Of what?

APRIL
Of all this social bullshit. Who are you trying to be?

LOGAN
What are you talking about?

APRIL
We used to almost never go out or have dinner at anyone’s house. Now we are almost every night. It’s wearing me out.

LOGAN
You don’t like it?

APRIL
No, aren’t you listening to me? I just want to stay home and relax for once. And you know why I was quiet at dinner tonight? I hate Jared and Linda. They’re boring and pretentious and stupid—I hate them.

(Beat.)

LOGAN
You do?

APRIL
Yes. (beat.) I do.

(Beat.)

LOGAN
I do too.

APRIL
What?

LOGAN
I always have. I thought you liked them.

(She laughs.)

APRIL
You did?

LOGAN
Yeah.

(He laughs)

(Beat.)

LOGAN
I’m sorry I kept dragging you out. I was worried you’d get bored of only staying in or going out alone together.

APRIL
You were?

LOGAN
Yeah.

(Pause.)

LOGAN
How about we stay in tomorrow night?

APRIL
I’d like that.

(Beat.)

LOGAN
Shit, I told Andrew and Michelle we’d come over tomorrow.

(Beat.)

(He smiles.)

LOGAMN
I’ll tell them we’re busy.

(She smiles.)

(Blackout.)

Play 278: One Step at a Time

CHARACTERS
JAKE, 18
SCOTT, 18

(Scott is smoking a cigarette.)

JAKE
You really should quit you know.

SCOTT
Yeah. I know.

JAKE
So why don’t you? It’s not like you’ve been smoking for too long.

(Beat.)

SCOTT
It’s been a while.

JAKE
Not much more than a month.

(Beat.)

SCOTT
I guess not.

JAKE
So quit.

(Beat.)

SCOTT
Maybe.

JAKE
Why not? It’s terrible for you and it doesn’t even give you anything.

SCOTT
It calms me down a bit.

JAKE
So that makes it worth it?

SCOTT
Don’t get all self-righteous on me, I know all that shit.

JAKE
I know. (beat.) I just don’t get it.

SCOTT
You wouldn’t.

JAKE
What’s that supposed to mean?

(Beat.)

SCOTT
Nothing.

(Long pause.)

SCOTT
I wish I had Tom Waits’s voice.

(Beat.)

JAKE
You’re kidding me.

SCOTT
What? His voice is amazing.

JAKE
That’s not what I meant, I agree it’s awesome. (beat.) Just not awesome enough to fuck my lungs up trying to get.

(Beat.)

SCOTT
I know it’s dumb.

(Pause.)

SCOTT
You have to admit it’d be cool to have his voice though.

JAKE
Yeah, it would.

(Beat.)

JAKE
And you have to admit you should stop smoking.

(Beat.)

SCOTT
Here.

(He puts his cigarette out.)

SCOTT
Happy?

JAKE
You have a pack in your pocket.

SCOTT
No I don’t.

JAKE
Then what’s that?

(Beat.)

SCOTT
A deck of cards.

JAKE
A deck of cards?

SCOTT
Yeah.

(Beat.)

JAKE
Give me them.

SCOTT
What?

JAKE
You know.

(Beat.)

SCOTT
No.

JAKE
Why not?

SCOTT
One step at a time. (beat.) One step at a time.

(Blackout.)

Play 277: Bleeding Me Dry

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
Are you okay?

2
I think I’m going insane.

(Beat)

1
Why?

2
Everything’s too tightly wound inside my head.

1
So?

2
It can’t stay that way.

1
What do you mean?

2
I have to use all my energy just to keep everything contained. It’s draining, but I know if I stop pushing it in, it won’t stop pushing out.

(Beat.)

It’s bleeding me dry.

1
So stop.

2
I can’t.

1
Why?

2
I’m scared.

1
Of what?

2
Of what’ll happen if I do.

1
And what will happen?

2
I don’t know.

1
So what are you worried about?

2
I could have a nervous break down.

1
You’re not far from it now.

2
Farther from it than I could be.

(Beat.)

1
You need to relax. Being overly-anxious all the time isn’t healthy.

2
But what’ll happen if I stop?

1
It’s driving you insane. You’re so afraid of what’ll happen if you just relax that you make yourself a nervous wreck.

(Pause.)

2
So what do I do?

1
Stop thinking.

2
If I could do that, do you really think I’d be where I am?

(Beat.)

1
I don’t know what to tell you.

2
I doubt anything you could say would help.

(Beat.)

1
I’m sorry.

(Beat.)

2
Thanks.

(Blackout.)

Play 276: Please Believe Me

CHARACTERS
AIDAN, 17
NOAH, 17

NOAH
What?

(Beat.)

AIDAN
Nevermind.

NOAH
Tell me.

AIDAN
You wouldn’t understand.

NOAH
Why not?

AIDAN
You’d think I was crazy.

NOAH
I’m sure I wouldn’t.

AIDAN
You would.

(Beat.)

NOAH
Just tell me.

(Beat.)

AIDAN
Okay.

(Beat.)

AIDAN
I think I went backwards in time.

(Noah laughs.)

AIDAN
I’m not joking.

(Beat.)

NOAH
You’re serious, aren’t you?

AIDAN
Completely.

(Beat.)

NOAH
And why do you think you went back in time?

AIDAN
It was a year from now, or close to it. I went to sleep one night, and I woke up here.

(Beat.)

You don’t believe me, do you?

NOAH
Well…

AIDAN
It’s okay, I’m not offended. I wouldn’t believe you if you told me the same thing.

(Pause.)

NOAH
How long have you been back here?

AIDAN
About a month.

NOAH
You told anyone else?

AIDAN
No.

(Pause.)

NOAH
Why did you tell me?

AIDAN
I had to tell someone.

(Beat.)

You think I’m crazy, don’t you?

(Beat.)

NOAH
I don’t know.

AIDAN
Even I can’t help but thinking I might be. I mean, you can’t just wake up a year in the past, right?

NOAH
It doesn’t really make sense.

AIDAN
It doesn’t.

NOAH
Maybe you should get some help.

AIDAN
Maybe.

(Beat.)

But some other weird stuff’s been going on.

NOAH
Like?

AIDAN
I know what’s going to happen.

(Beat.)

NOAH
You know the future?

AIDAN
I still have all the memories from a year from now. And things I remember having happened keep happening.

(Pause.)

NOAH
Are you sure you’re not just imagining it?

AIDAN
Completely.

NOAH
It might just be a coincidence.

AIDAN
It’s happened too many times. And some of the things I remembered that are very specific have happened exactly the same way.

(Pause.)

NOAH
You’ve been under a lot of stress lately…

AIDAN
I’m not imagining all of this. (beat.) I can’t be.

NOAH
It’s possible.

AIDAN
You don’t understand, this isn’t just some crazy delusion.

NOAH
How do you know?

AIDAN
I’ll tell you what’s going to happen.

NOAH
Why?

AIDAN
So when it happens you’ll see I’m not insane.

(Pause.)

NOAH
You should go see a psychiatrist or something.

(Pause.)

AIDAN
Nevermind.

NOAH
What?

AIDAN
Just forget I told you.

NOAH
I can’t just forget something like that.

AIDAN
Try.

(Beat.)

NOAH
Aidan, you really should get looked at—

AIDAN
I knew it was a bad idea to tell you.

NOAH
I’m just trying to help.

AIDAN
I know.

(Beat.)

You can’t tell anyone about this.

NOAH
I won’t if you get checked out.

AIDAN
(Begging)
Please.

(Beat.)

NOAH
Fine.

AIDAN
Thank you.

NOAH
For now at least.

AIDAN
Okay.

(Beat.)

I’ll show you.

NOAH
What?

AIDAN
I’ll prove it to you that I’m right.

(Beat.)

NOAH
Okay.

(Blackout.)

Play 275: WMF’s

CHARACTERS
1
2
3
4
5
6

1
We need to think of a name.

2
I don’t have any ideas.

3
Does anyone have anything?

(Long pause.)

4
Anyone?

(Pause.)

5
This is harder than I thought.

6
I’ve got something.

2
Yeah?

(Beat.)

6
Nevermind.

3
No, what is it?

6
It sucks.

4
Just say it.

(Beat.)

6
The Pirates of Funk Island.

(Beat.)

5
That’s terrible.

6
I told you.

(Beat.)

5
Wow.

6
Can you think of anything better?

(Pause.)

5
(Smiling)
Batman Face.

(2 bursts into a fit of laughter.)

1
Come on, let’s be serious.

3
That was a joke, right?

5
Yeah.

(Beat.)

You really thought I was serious (beat.) with Batman face?

3
It’s possible.

2
(still laughing a little)
I don’t know about you guys, but I think Batman Face is fucking hilarious.

(Beat.)

4
That actually is pretty funny.

3
No.

2
Why not?

3
Are you kidding me? (Beat.) Batman Face?

4
Come on, it’s great.

6
No way.

1
No one would take us seriously.

5
It’s terrible.

2
You’re the one who said it.

5
It was a joke.

(Beat.)

2
Damn.

(Long pause.)

1
Anyone?

(Pause.)

2
I’ve got it.

6
Oh god.

2
What?

1
What is it?

2
If you don’t want to hear it…

4
We do, just tell us.

3
This better not be anything like Batman Face.

5
Hey, that was just a joke.

2
Do you want to hear the name or not?

1
Yeah, what is it?

(Beat.)

2
Weapons of Mass Funk.

(Beat.)

(1, 2, 4, and 5 burst into fits of laughter.)

4
(Inbetween laughter)
Okay, that’s awesome.

1
Definitely.

5
It is pretty amusing.

3
I don’t know…

6
I’m not so sure either.

2
Can you think of anything better?

(Pause.)

3
Fine.

6
But just until we think of a better name.

2
Fine, but it’s never going to happen.

(Beat.)

(Pause.)

2
Weapons of Mass Funk…

(He bursts into laughter.)

(Blackout.)

Play 274: Never See Mulholland Drive

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
What’re you up to?

2
Writing.

1
What?

2
A screenplay.

1
Oh, cool. Can I see it?

(Beat.)

2
Yeah, sure.

(Pause.)

1
Umm…

2
What?

1
No offense but…

2
You don’t like it?

(Beat.)

1
What the hell is this?

2
It’s experimental.

(Beat.)

1
Why?

2
Because it’s original.

1
No, I mean what purpose does it being that weird serve to the script?

2
Purpose?

1
Is there any reason you’re doing it besides that it’s original.

(Beat.)

2
Yes.

1
What is it?

(Pause.)

1
You don’t have any idea do you?

2
Shut up.

(Pause.)

1
Are you going to change it?

2
No.

1
Why?

2
People will think it’s brilliant.

1
No they won’t.

2
Because they won’t get it, they’ll assume that there must be something behind it but that they’re too dumb to get it. So they’ll convince themselves they like it so they feel smart.

(Beat.)

1
Know what’s depressing?

2
That I’m right?

(Beat.)

1
Yeah.

2
I know.

(Beat.)

Worked well enough for Mulholland Drive.

1
I’ve never seen that.

2
Really?

1
Yeah.

2
Don’t.

(Blackout.)

Play 273: Everything Changes

CHARACTERS
ETHAN, early 20s
OLIVIA, early 20s

OLIVIA
How was work?

ETHAN
Fine.

(Beat.)

OLIVIA
Just fine?

ETHAN
Yeah.

(Pause.)

OLIVIA
Are you going to ask?

ETHAN
Ask what?

OLIVIA
Nevermind.

(Pause.)

OLIVIA
I had a bad day at work.

ETHAN
Oh?

OLIVIA
Yeah.

(Beat.)

I’m thinking of quitting my job.

ETHAN
Why?

OLIVIA
It’s not the same as it used to be.

ETHAN
So what? Everything changes.

OLIVIA
Change isn’t always for better.

ETHAN
How do you know it isn’t this time?

OLIVIA
I know.

(Pause.)

OLIVIA
I used to love my job. I’d go in every day excited, and I’d come home full of energy and feeling like I’d really done something. It was always a lot of work, but I didn’t mind because it doesn’t feel like work when it’s what you want to do. (Beat.) Now I just spent my time at work staring at the clock.

(Pause.)

It all seemed so promising originally. I was happy with it. Now…there’s nothing left in it for me. It’s empty.

(Beat.)

ETHAN
If you really feel that way, then maybe you’re right about quitting.

OLIVIA
Yeah.

(Beat.)

I know.

(Blackout.)