Play 238: Nostalgia

CHARACTERS
DAN, 17
DERRILL, 17

(They’re sitting on the porch outside a house very late at night, each is smoking a cigarette.)

DAN
No clue.

DERRILL
Really?

DAN
Nope.

(Beat, he takes a drag from his cigarette.)

Haven’t talked to her in a while.

DERRILL
How long?

DAN
Two and a half years.

DERRILL
(Surprised.)
What?

DAN
Well, I’ve said hi to her, or had a brief conversation, but, that’s it.

DERRILL
Wow.

(Beat, he takes a drag from his cigarette.)

You used to be really close, right?

DAN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

Very.

DERRILL
What happened?

(Dan takes another drag.)

DAN
I broke up with her.

(A shocked expression comes across Derrill’s face.)

DERRILL
You went out with her?

DAN
No.

DERRILL
(Confused.)
But didn’t you just say you broke up with her?

DAN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

DERRILL
But you didn’t go out with her?

DAN
Nope.

DERRILL
I’m still confused.

DAN
Just one of those kinds of friendships.

(He takes another drag.)

(Beat.)

DERRILL
I think I know what you mean.

(He takes a drag.)

(Pause.)

DERRILL
So what happened?

DAN
With what?

DERRILL
Between you two.

DAN
Oh.

(Beat.)

I just couldn’t take it anymore.

DERRILL
Take what?

DAN
All the emotional investment, all the abuse and heartache and shit, but nothing good really.

(Beat.)

DAN
It was like all the hard parts of a relationship without any of the benefits.

(He laughs.)

(Derrill takes a drag.)

DERRILL
It wasn’t all bad though, was it?

DAN
No.

(Beat.)

It was nice sometimes.

(He takes a long drag.)

(Pause.)

DERRILL
Do you ever miss it?

DAN
Honestly?

(Beat, he laughs.)

A little.

(Blackout.)

Play 237: Turn The Music Down II (An Alternate Take)

CHARACTERS
GENE, early 20s
DEREK, late 20s

(There are two doors on one floor of an apartment. Loud music is coming from one of them.)

(Gene exits from the one on the right.)

GENE
(Muttering to himself angrily.)
Goddamn it.

(He knocks on the left door.)

(Beat.)

GENE
Hello?

(He keeps knocking.)

GENE
(Yelling.)
Hello!

(The door opens almost immediately afterwards, catching Gene by surprise.)

DEREK
(Slightly annoyed.)
What?

GENE
(Nervously.)
Well uh…

DEREK
Well?

GENE
(Softly.)
Would you mind turning the music down?

DEREK
I can’t hear you.

GENE
Would you mind turning the music down?

DEREK
Funny you should say that.

GENE
(Confused.)
Why?

DEREK
Because I would.

GENE
You would…?

DEREK
Mind.

(Beat.)

GENE
Oh.

(Beat.)

Well it’s funny you should say that.

DEREK
(Confused.)
Why?

(Gene pulls out a gun, and points it at Derek.)

DEREK
You know, I think I’ll go turn the music down after all.

GENE
I thought you’d see it my way.

(Derek goes inside, closing the door behind him. After a couple seconds, the music turns off.)

(Gene smiles, and puts the gun away.)

GENE
(Muttering to himself.)
People these days.

(He shakes his head, and goes back into the door to the right, closing it behind him.)

(Blackout.)

Play 236: Seriously, Who?

CHARACTERS
STEVEN, 17
ELLA, 17

STEVEN
I guess I haven’t thought about it.

ELLA
Not at all?

STEVEN
Not really.

(Beat.)

Have you?

ELLA
Well, I did bring it up.

STEVEN
True.

(Beat.)

ELLA
I just think it’s weird to think about.

STEVEN
I guess.

ELLA
I mean, can you imagine yourself as an adult?

(Beat.)

STEVEN
No.

(Beat.)

ELLA
Neither can I.

(Beat.)

STEVEN
You’re right.

ELLA
(Confused.)
What?

STEVEN
I can’t imagine it at all.

ELLA
Yeah.

STEVEN
Like having a job.

ELLA
Or kids.

STEVEN
Shit.

ELLA
I know.

(Pause.)

Do you think you feel older?

STEVEN
I’m sure you do.

ELLA
Really?

STEVEN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

I mean, you’d have to, right?

ELLA
Maybe.

(Beat.)

But what if it’s like going up in the grades or stuff?

STEVEN
How so?

ELLA
Well I mean, we’re seniors now.

STEVEN
So?

ELLA
So do you feel as old as you thought the seniors seemed when we were freshman?

(Beat.)

STEVEN
I see your point.

(Pause.)

ELLA
It just seems like no matter how old you get, you still always feel like a little kid sometimes.

STEVEN
I guess.

(Pause.)

But, at the same time, don’t the freshman look younger every year?

(Beat.)

ELLA
Huh, that’s true.

STEVEN
I wonder what that means.

(Beat.)

ELLA
I guess nothing seems like what it was.

STEVEN
Yeah.

ELLA
Everything changes around you, but, I guess it never feels like you do.

STEVEN
But you do.

ELLA
I guess.

STEVEN
It just never seems like it.

ELLA
You’re probably right.

(Beat.)

I guess everything else moving and you staying put looks the same as the opposite.

STEVEN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

ELLA
So which one is it?

STEVEN
Who knows.

ELLA
Who indeed.

(Blackout.)

Play 235: Advice Is Easier Given Than Taken

CHARACTERS
1
2

(1 and 2 sit in the middle of the stage, both facing the audience.)

(1 lights up a cigarette.)

2
You shouldn’t.

1
Shouldn’t what?

2
Smoke.

1
I know.

(He takes a drag.)

(2 shakes his head.)

(1 continues smoking for a bit, then puts it out in an ashtray next to him.)

(Beat.)

(2 takes out a book and starts reading.)

(1 takes out a flask of whiskey.)

(2 looks over.)

2
You know, you really shouldn’t—

1
I know.

(He takes a swig from the flask.)

(2 shakes his head.)

(1 takes another swig, then puts the flask down next to the ashtray.)

(2 yawns and puts his book away.)

(1 lights up another cigarette. He proceeds to alternate drags from his cigarette with sips from the flask.)

(2 looks up from his book over at 1.)

1
What?

2
You’re pathetic.

1
Whatever.

(Beat.)

(2 takes out a long piece of cloth, and rolls up his sleeve.)

(1 looks over slightly confused, then goes back to smoking and drinking.)

(2 ties the cloth around his upper left arm, using his teeth to tighten it. He turns his left forearm up, and slaps it just below the cloth repeatedly.)

(1 looks over.)

2
What?

(1 gives him a hostile look.)

(Beat.)

2
I know, I know.

(2 takes out a syringe, and squirts the first bit of it into the air.)

(1 shakes his head.)

(Blackout.)

Play 234:…While You’re Waiting For Moments That Never Come

CHARACTERS
1
2

(1 is sitting on a bench in an otherwise empty stage.)

(2 enters, and sits down next to 1.)

(Pause.)

2
What are you doing here?

1
Waiting.

2
For what?

1
An epiphany.

2
An epiphany?

1
Yeah.

2
When’s it coming?

1
I don’t know.

2
You sure it is?

1
I hope so.

2
I doubt it will.

1
Why?

2
They never seem to.

1
I guess.

2
Life’s not about epiphanies.

1
Then what?

2
Evolution.

1
What?

2
Everything’s gradual.

1
But nothing’s gradually happening.

2
Sure it is.

1
Not for me.

2
It isn’t?

1
I don’t think so.

2
It probably is.

1
How do you know?

2
Guessing.

1
Well you’re wrong.

2
I doubt that.

1
Why?

2
No one ever thinks it is.

1
So?

2
So you probably just haven’t noticed.

1
Maybe.

(Pause.)

Well what’re you here for anyways?

2
Me?

1
Who else?

(Beat.)

2
Change.

1
Change?

2
Yeah.

(1 bursts into laughter.)

2
What?

(Blackout.)

Play 233: Wins Every Time

CHARACTERS
SAM, 18
JEFFREY, 17
BILL, 16
ANDREW, 18

(They are sitting around a table covered in cards and poker chips. Four cards are lying face up on the table, there is a small stack of facedown cards next to these, and each player has two cards face down in front of him. The deck of cards is in front of Sam.)

SAM
Anyone?

(Beat.)

JEFFREY
I’ll raise twenty.

(He throws some chips in the middle of the table, where there’s already a small pile.)

(The other three look to Bill.)

(Bill looks conflicted, and taps his fingers on the table.)

(He throws his cards towards the deck of them.)

BILL
Fold.

(Beat.)

ANDREW
I’ll see your twenty.

(He throws a few chips in.)

And raise you ten.

(He throws a couple more in.)

SAM
I’ll call.

(He slides some chips into the pile.)

(Beat.)

SAM
We good?

(They nod.)

(He puts one card face down on the stack near the cards that are face up, and then puts another card face up.)

BILL
Goddamn it.

ANDREW
Would’ve had something?

BILL
Straight.

JEFFREY
That sucks.

SAM
Your turn.

(He gestures to Jeffrey.)

JEFFREY
I know.

(Beat.)

Fifty.

(He throws in some chips.)

(Beat.)

ANDREW
Fifty huh?

(Beat.)

How about a hundred?

(He throws in a large amount of chips.)

(Sam hesitates.)

SAM
Well, I’ve put in so much already, why not?

(He slides a large stack of chips in.)

JEFFREY
What’s another fifty?

(He throws some more chips in.)

(Pause.)

SAM
Everyone cool?

JEFFREY
Yup.

ANDREW
Same here.

SAM
Okay.

(Beat.)

Who wants to go first?

ANDREW
Go ahead.

SAM
Sure.

(Beat.)

Two pair.

(He puts his hand down and smiles.)

JEFFREY
Oh yeah?

(Sam’s smile dissipates.)

(Jeffrey grins.)

JEFFREY
Straight.

(He lays his cards out.)

(Beat.)

Andrew?

(Andrew smiles.)

JEFFREY
Shit, you have a flush don’t you?

(Andrew grins, and drops his cards face up on the table without saying a word.)

(Sam and Jeffrey look down at it.)

SAM
What the fuck?

JEFFREY
You dick.

ANDREW
What?

JEFFREY
You only have two pair, I win.

ANDREW
Not so fast.

JEFFREY
(Confused.)
What?

(Beat.)

ANDREW
Two pair and…

(Beat.)

A gun.

(He pulls a handgun out of his coat.)

SAM
Holy fuck!

BILL
Chill man!

(Beat.)

JEFFREY
Take it!

(Andrew pulls the now quite large stack of chips to him.)

(Beat.)

ANDREW
Wins every time.

(He grins.)

(Blackout.)

Play 232: What’s Even More Bizarre Than Particle Physicists’ Senses of Humor? (Hint: the answer is not “the strange quark”)

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
WILL, 17

(Vincent is sitting in a chair reading a book.)

(Will enters.)

WILL
What’re you reading?

(Vincent looks up from his book.)

VINCENT
Warped Passages.

(He puts the book down.)

WILL
What’s it about?

VINCENT
Modern physics and stuff.

WILL
That’s cool.

VINCENT
Yeah.

(Beat.)

WILL
Wait, so what’s it about exactly?

VINCENT
A lot of stuff.

WILL
Like what?

VINCENT
It’s complicated.

WILL
Like quantum mechanics?

VINCENT
Among other things.

WILL
Like what?

VINCENT
As I said, a lot.

WILL
Relativity and string theory and stuff like that?

VINCENT
That too.

WILL
Anything else?

VINCENT
Yeah.

WILL
A lot?

VINCENT
Tons.

WILL
Like quarks and all that shit?

VINCENT
Yeah.

(Beat.)

Quarks, squarks—

WILL
Squarks?

VINCENT
Yeah.

WILL
What the hell are squarks?

VINCENT
They’re the superpartners of quarks.

WILL
Superpartners?

VINCENT
Yup.

(Will laughs.)

WILL
Are you serious?

VINCENT
Completely.

(Will laughs.)

VINCENT
I know, all the names sound pretty ridiculous.

WILL
All?

VINCENT
Yeah.

WILL
So there’s more like that?

(Vincent smiles.)

VINCENT
Many.

WILL
Like what else?

VINCENT
Well there’s a lot of things with super in them.

WILL
You already mentioned superpartners.

VINCENT
Yeah, there’s those, but also supersymmetry, superstring theory…

(His voice trails off.)

WILL
Any more?

VINCENT
Not that I can think.

WILL
That’s too bad.

VINCENT
That was only the ones with super in them though,

WILL
So there’s more ridiculous names?

(Vincent laughs.)

VINCENT
You have no idea.

(Beat.)

Like all the quark names.

WILL
Yeah?

VINCENT
Up, down, top, bottom, strange, charm.

WILL
(Seriously.)
You’re shitting me.

VINCENT
Nope.

WILL
Seriously?

VINCENT
Completely.

(Will laughs.)

VINCENT
Know what’s my favorite though?

(Will manages to stop laughing.)

WILL
What?

VINCENT
Their superpartner names.

WILL
What are they?

VINCENT
You just add an “s.”

WILL
Yeah?

VINCENT
My favorite is stop squark.

(Beat.)

WILL
Are you joking?

VINCENT
No.

(Will laughs.)

VINCENT
Apparently particle physicists are.

WILL
No shit.

(Beat.)

You ever wonder if they’re just making this shit up?

VINCENT
A little sometimes.

WILL
Sounds like it to me.

VINCENT
Or maybe the worlds just more bizarre than even particle physicists’ senses of humor.

(Beat.)

WILL
(Skeptical.)
Maybe.

VINCENT
Makes sense to me.

WILL
Really?

VINCENT
Yeah.

(Beat.)

WILL
How?

VINCENT
Shit’s strange.

(Beat.)

WILL
So?

VINCENT
So why should the universe be any different?

(Pause.)

WILL
I guess you have a point.

VINCENT
Or maybe a string.

WILL
(Thoroughly confused.)
What?

(Beat.)

VINCENT
Nevermind.

(Blackout.)