Play 342: Who Knows?

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
You feeling any better?

2
I don’t know.

(Beat.)

1
At all?

2
Can’t tell.

1
So you’re not?

2
No.

1
But you said—

2
I said I didn’t know.

1
Oh.

(Pause.)

2
Will I be able to tell?

1
To some degree.

2
Without a doubt?

1
Maybe.

2
What’s that supposed to mean?

1
Depends from case to case.

2
Oh.

(Beat.)

2
So how will I know?

1
You should be able to tell.

2
What if it’s not clear?

1
It should be clear enough.

(Beat.)

2
So I’ll know it when I see it?

1
Probably.

(Beat.)

2
But what will it be like?

1
Depends on the person.

2
So you don’t know?

1
No.

(Beat.)

1
So you don’t feel any better?

(Beat.)

2
Who knows?

(Blackout.)

Play 341: Can I Have It?

CHARACTERS
IVAN, mid 30s
LANE, late 30s

IVAN
Lane.

LANE
What?

IVAN
This is hard to ask you…

LANE
What?

(Beat.)

IVAN
Can I have it?

LANE
No.

IVAN
Please?

LANE
You know how much it means to me.

IVAN
And it doesn’t mean the same for me?

(Beat.)

LANE
He wanted me to have it.

IVAN
No he didn’t.

LANE
It was in his will.

IVAN
He hasn’t changed it in years.

LANE
So if he had, he would’ve given it to you?

IVAN
Where were you when he was sick?

LANE
That’s not fair Ivan.

IVAN
I moved back so I could take care of him.

LANE
You wanted to.

IVAN
I had to take a worse job.

LANE
I would’ve helped him if you asked.

IVAN
No you wouldn’t have.

LANE
Yes, I would. You never let me.

IVAN
That’s not true.

LANE
You insisted on doing it, so you could be the hero again.

IVAN
That’s not true.

LANE
You did it to show me up.

IVAN
I did it to help dad.

LANE
You’re full of shit.

(Pause.)

IVAN
If you had told me you wanted to help, I would’ve let you.

LANE
You never asked.

(Beat.)

IVAN
I’m sorry.

(Beat.)

I was never trying to show you up.

LANE
Then why did you insist?

(Beat.)

IVAN
You had a good thing going in New York. A good job, steady girlfriend.

LANE
What does that have to do with anything?

IVAN
I knew if I wasn’t adamant about it you would’ve done it. You would’ve said it was your responsibility since you’re older than me. You’ve always had a sense of duty like that.

(Beat.)

LANE
You did it so I could stay in New York?

IVAN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

LANE
You’re probably right, I would’ve moved.

IVAN
I know you would’ve.

(Pause.)

LANE
You can have it.

IVAN
What?

LANE
You’re right, he would’ve wanted you to.

(Pause.)

IVAN
Keep it.

LANE
But you were the one who took care of him. You deserve it.

IVAN
I want you to have it.

(Blackout.)

Play 340: Press Conference

CHARACTERS
ERIC, 17
EVAN, 17

ERIC
Where were you yesterday?

EVAN
Yesterday?

ERIC
Yeah.

(Pause.)

ERIC
Next question.

EVAN
What?

ERIC
Uh, yes, you.

(He points to Evan.)

(Beat.)

EVAN
What are you doing?

ERIC
You can ask your question now.

(Beat.)

EVAN
Where were you yesterday?

ERIC
I believe I already answered that question.

EVAN
No you didn’t.

ERIC
Well, that’s where you and I disagree.

(Beat.)

EVAN
Can you just answer me Eric?

(Beat.)

ERIC
What was the question again?

EVAN
Where were you yesterday?

ERIC
Well, I don’t have the exact figures at my disposal right now—

EVAN
It’s a simple question.

ERIC
I’ll have to get back to you on it.

EVAN
Where were you yesterday?

(Beat.)

ERIC
I believe my Press Secretary has the answer to that.

(Beat.)

EVAN
What the hell are you talking about?

ERIC
Well, I’m sorry, it’s been great to answer your questions, but I really have to go.

EVAN
But you didn’t—

ERIC
I hope I have been able to be informative.

EVAN
You—

(Eric exits.)

(Pause.)

(Blackout.)

Play 339: More Proof of My Insanity

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
ALAN, 17
PIG
MAN

VINCENT
I can’t believe it.

ALAN
They got the senate after all.

VINCENT
Almost definitely.

ALAN
Good enough for me.

(Beat.)

VINCENT
And the house.

ALAN
The entire fucking congress.

VINCENT
The entire fucking congress.

(Beat.)

VINCENT
And Rumsfeld resigned.

ALAN
I know.

VINCENT
Who could’ve seen that coming.

ALAN
Well I mean, it should’ve happened a long time ago.

VINCENT
Definitely. I’m still surprised it did though.

ALAN
Me too.

(Pause.)

VINCENT
Something doesn’t feel quite right…

ALAN
I know.

VINCENT
Feels too good to be true.

ALAN
It does.

(Beat.)

VINCENT
Woah, what’s that?

(A pig flies across the stage.)

ALAN
I think it’s a pig.

VINCENT
And it’s flying.

ALAN
That’s weird.

VINCENT
Indeed.

(Pause.)

(A man enters, clad in a banana suit.)

MAN
Happy election day!

(Blackout.)

Play 338: Could’ve Fooled Me

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
DAN, 17

DAN
Pretty awesome.

VINCENT
Yeah.

DAN
Makes you feel a little less pessimistic, doesn’t it?

VINCENT
I guess.

DAN
You don’t sound too enthused.

VINCENT
It’s just hard to feel that optimistic.

DAN
Why? They got the house.

VINCENT
I know.

DAN
It’s the only political thing to go our way in years.

VINCENT
True.

(Beat.)

VINCENT
Probably didn’t get the senate though.

DAN
So what? It’s still huge.

VINCENT
I know.

(Beat.)

DAN
Then why aren’t you feeling good about it?

VINCENT
I am.

DAN
You know what I mean.

(Beat.)

VINCENT
It takes more than one night to erase a lifetime of political disappointment.

(Beat.)

DAN
It’s something though.

VINCENT
I know. I may still be a pretty disillusioned person, but I am happy about it.

DAN
That’s good.

VINCENT
I got a little optimist in me.

DAN
Could’ve fooled me.

VINCENT
Nothing’s that simple.

DAN
True.

(Beat.)

VINCENT
I’m a complex man.

(They laugh.)

(Blackout.)

Play 337: A Moment

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
My friend told me this story the other day.

2
What about?

1
A guy he knew inhaled propane fumes.

2
Why?

1
Trying to get high.

2
That’s dumb.

1
Yeah.

(Beat.)

2
What happened?

1
He got massive brain damage. He can’t move anymore.

2
Shit.

(Pause.)

1
That story scares me a little.

2
Yeah.

1
I mean, yeah, it was stupid. Very stupid even. But for it to have that gigantic of an impact on his life…

2
It is scary to think of.

1
I mean, one dumb moment, and he’s paralyzed for life.

2
Messed up.

1
Very.

(Pause.)

1
It’s weird how one moment can define a person’s life.

2
Yeah.

1
You always hear about the good ones. Heroic and dangerous actions done on impulse, the kind you’d never do if you stop and thought about it. Great battles won. All that.

(Beat.)

You never hear about the guy who goes blind from a stray bullet.

(Beat.)

2
No one wants to hear about those. Just reminds you of how every moment, something severely fucked up can always happen.

1
Yeah.

2
It’s frightening to think of.

1
Very frightening.

(Blackout.)

Play 336: You Heard Me

CHARACTERS
1
2

1
So.

2
So.

(Pause.)

1
Won’t you even talk to me?

(Beat.)

2
When do you leave?

1
It doesn’t matter.

2
I’m just curious.

(Beat.)

1
In a bit.

(Pause.)

1
Look, I—

2
Can we not talk about it?

(Beat.)

1
I’m sorry.

(Beat.)

1
Why won’t you talk to me?

(Beat.)

1
I get that you’re angry—

2
You don’t get shit.

1
What?

2
You heard me.

(Pause.)

1
I should go.

2
Bye.

(Blackout.)