Play 210: So What? (a.k.a., Lockers VII)

CHARACTERS
1, male, 16
2, male, 16

(They sit against lockers in an otherwise empty hallway.)

1
So…

2
So?

1
What?

2
What?

1
What was the so about?

2
Nothing.

1
Oh.

(2 laughs.)

1
What?

2
It’s just funny.

1
What?

2
Nothing.

1
Come on.

2
So what?

1
But I’m curious now.

2
That’s not what I meant.

1
Then what?

2
So what.

1
What?

2
That doesn’t mean anything to you?

1
No.

2
The song?

1
What song?

2
So What.

1
Never heard of it.

2
Really?

1
Yeah.

2
Oh.

(Beat.)

1
Should I have?

2
It is one of the most famous jazz songs of all time.

1
Really?

2
Yeah.

1
Who is it by?

2
Miles Davis.

1
Okay.

2
You’ve heard of him?

1
Of course.

2
Good.

(Beat.)

1
(Slightly offended.)
Of course I’ve heard of fucking Miles Davis.

2
Well you hadn’t heard of So What.

1
So?

2
What.

1
What?

(Beat, a look or recognition comes over his face.)

Oh.

(2 laughs.)

(Blackout.)

Play 209: 7 Years

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17

(He stands in the middle of the stage.)

You know what I find fascinating?

(Beat.)

Every seven years, you’re a new person.

(Beat.)

I mean literally—in the span of seven years, all the cells in your body have died away and been replaced by new ones, so you’re made of completely different parts.

(Beat.)

It’s fitting really, I mean, I know for me at least I barely even remember who I was a few years ago, and I doubt back then I felt that similar to how I had been before.

(Beat.)

Everything’s always changing in life, so why should our bodies be any different, you know?

(Pause.)

It’s strange to think about in a different way though. For instance, we all look pretty much the same over the years, of course we age and early on every few years we look quite different, but later on seven years sometimes doesn’t make too much of a difference, and some people look almost exactly the same after seven years as how they had before. And even if a few years often do change the appearance of someone a lot, there’s still a lot of parts of them that look the same. There’s still this core of traits that remains the same even when other parts shift around them.

(Beat.)

And you know, I think no matter how much we like to think we change and evolve over the course of our lives, it’s the same way with who we are too. A lot may change, and we adapt to new circumstances to some degree, but deep down the core of who you are stays mostly unchanged. Of course when you’re young you change a lot, but that’s mostly because who you are isn’t so set in stone yet. But, once it is, it doesn’t really seem to change too much. And by young, I really mean very young, because, I’m not too old by any means and haven’t figured out who I am at all completely, but still I think a lot of who I am hasn’t changed at all in the last few years no matter how much I wish that wasn’t the truth. And I’d imagine that just becomes more and truer the older you get.

(Beat.)

So, I guess the real surprising thing isn’t that we’re a different person every seven years—in either way, physically or mentally—but that so much of us is the same.

(Beat.)

It’s remarkable really, I mean, you’d think that since so many things happen and so many of the circumstances we’re in change so much every day some of that would wear off on us.

(Beat.)

Reminds me of a line, from Six Feet Under I think. People don’t change, they just get older.

(Beat.)

And even on another level it’s amazing that we can be made of completely different cells and still be almost exactly the same.

(Beat.)

But I guess even though they’re all different cells, they’re all exactly the same as the ones that came before them, of course minus the incredibly rare mutation or two.

(Beat.)

So I guess that says something too.

(Pause.)

You might be wondering what my point is in all of this.

(Beat.)

But you know what?

(Beat.)

Who says there has to be?

(Beat.)

That’s what I always say at least.

(He pauses for a second, then walks offstage.)

(Blackout.)

Play 208: Act Before You Think

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17

(He stands in the middle of the stage. Throughout the scene, he paces back and forth intermittently.)

VINCENT
You know, they always say, think before you act.

(Beat.)

But, to me, that expression is kind of a contradiction. Action and thought are completely in opposition, the more you have of one, the less you have of the other.

(Beat.)

I find if I think before I act, I just never end up acting. There’s so many possibilities for seeing the negative aspects of any situation that if you think enough you’re bound to convince yourself that whatever it was you were thinking of doing isn’t really in your best interests to do.

(Beat.)

That’s the problem—in theory, there’s always an infinite number of things that can go wrong, so even if in reality it’s far more likely that none of them will actually happen, until you actually do it you can never really know.

(Pause.)

Another thing that bothers me is sometimes to try to resolve all of that, people say, well, just don’t think about it.

(Beat.)

But that’s completely impossible, thoughts aren’t something that can just be stopped at will. You can’t just turn your mind off, no matter how much you might want to be able to.

(Beat.)

So I guess the only way to really get anything done is to just act immediately. That way, even though you can’t ever truly stop thinking, if you act immediately based on impulse, you don’t give yourself enough time to think.

(Beat.)

I mean, of course you still think about it, even if for an incredibly small period of time, but once you’ve just done something, even if you think about all the problems with it, you can’t go back.

(Beat.)

So you can’t really think before you act. You can act before you think, sure, but not the opposite.

(Beat.)

Or at least that’s what I’ve noticed.

(Beat.)

I don’t mean to say that acting without thinking is necessarily the best way to do things. I mean, I guess if you didn’t think first, you could end up doing a lot of things that you would regret after having done them.

(Beat.)

But you know what’s my biggest regret?

(Beat.)

Not having done anything I can regret.

(Beat.)

Sure I don’t have those embarrassing stories told about me, because there aren’t any really, and there never seem to be rumors told about me, because there isn’t really anything that I’ve done that they could work off of. But who cares?

(Beat.)

I’d take embarrassing stories and rampant rumors any day if it would mean that just some of the time I would have something good happen to me. Something interesting, something new, something spontaneous, something crazy, something that’s not just the same monotony. Something…

(Beat.)

Just…

(Beat.)

Good.

(Pause.)

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is…

(Beat.)

Think before you act?

(Beat.)

Fuck that, act.

(Beat.)

Act. Act. Act.

(Beat.)

Thinking never seems to accomplish anything.

(Beat.)

But, maybe I just say that because I’m the one who always thinks. Maybe we all just want to be whatever we aren’t. I mean, whenever I talk to people who tend to just do things, they always say they wish they could be less impulsive and think things through before they did them.

(Beat.)

But I can tell you this without hesitation—I’d trade places with those people in a heartbeat.

(Beat.)

That’s all I can say for sure.

(He walks offstage slowly, with a pensive look on his face.)

(Blackout.)

Play 207: FAQ

CHARACTERS
BEN, 17

(Ben sits on a large comfortable looking chair in the middle of the stage facing the audience. There is a small table beside him with a stack of index cards on it.)

BEN
Hey, I just thought since I’ve been doing this for so long, it seemed about time to answer some frequently asked questions. So anyways, let’s get right to it.

(He picks up an index card.)

And our first question is…

(Beat.)

How did you come up with the idea to do a play a day for a year?

(Beat.)

Well, I got the idea from a creative writing teacher at CSSSA, who at the time was doing a play a day himself. Also, a few friends of mine from CSSSA started up their own ones a bit after, so, all of them helped inspire me to do it.

(Beat, he picks up another index card.)

Is it hard to write something everyday?

(Pause.)

Yes.

(Beat, he picks up another card.)

How do you come up with your ideas for the scenes?

(Pause.)

What ideas?

(He picks up another card.)

What’s up with that Vincent guy and why do you keep using him?

(Beat.)

Well, Vincent is my quasi-autobiographical character, my Holden Caulfield if you will, but more closely related to me I guess. Most of the time when I use him he just talks about thoughts that occur to me.

(Beat.)

Seeing his name in the character listing is also generally a good indicator that it’s probably a cop-out.

(He picks up another card.)

Do your scenes come out of real life experience or things that have happened to you?

(Beat.)

Not really, some of them are about thoughts I’ve had, or have themes that are related to my life or to me, but, mostly they don’t have that much of a concrete connection at least to my life.

(He picks up another card.)

Are you as violent as some of your scenes would seem to suggest you might be?

(Beat.)

No, I’m actually quite a pacifist, and one of the least likely people to hurt anyone in real life.

(Beat.)

I guess I just have a slightly over-active imagination and a dark sense of humor, and maybe because I am not violent, I have pent up anger and violence so it comes out in my imagination, jokes of mine, and scenes of mine, which in many cases I see as just jokes of a sort.

(Beat, he takes another card. Upon reading it, his expression sours.)

Should I be worried if I were to leave my children/loved ones around you?

(Beat.)

Once again, I’m not a psychopathic murdering lunatic like some of my scenes may suggest.

(Beat.)

So yes, anyone is safe being around me.

(He takes another card.)

(On reading it, a confused look comes across his face.)

Will you have sex with me?

(Beat, he looks incredibly confused.)

Oh yeah, that’s the one I slipped in…

(Beat.)

To make myself look cooler…

(Beat.)

Wow that’s pathetic…

(He laughs awkwardly.)

ANYways…

(He tosses the card aside, and picks up another.)

Why do you do so many cop-outs?

(Beat.)

It’s hard to think of something interesting to write every single day, so a lot of the time I can’t and am forced to just do a random bizarre, and yes, not particularly interesting scenes.

(Beat.)

And I’m lazy.

(He takes another card.)

What’s with all the typos?

(Beat.)

Get off my back.

(He takes another card.)

Will you have—

(He stops mid-sentence and tosses the card aside, and quickly picks up another one.)

Are you as screwed up as some of your scenes would suggest?

(Beat.)

Depends on what scene you’re talking about. For some no, for some yes.

(He picks up another card.)

Are you completely insane?

(Beat.)

There’s a distinct possibility.

(He takes another card.)

What lead you to think that it could possibly be a remotely good idea to do an FAQ?

(Beat.)

It seemed like an okay idea at the time…

(He takes another card.)

You suck.

(Beat.)

That’s not even a question.

(He takes another card.)

Are you aware that it’s painfully obvious that this isn’t an actual FAQ and is just you trying to be witty?

(Beat, he laughs nervously.)

It’s funny you should say that, because, umm….

(His eyes start darting back and forth, and he wrings his hands together.)

Because…

(Pause.)

And that ends the FAQ! I'm glad to have been able to answer some of those questions that might've been on your mind.

(Blackout.)

Play 206: I Don’t Want To Talk About It

CHARACTERS
1
2

(They sit watching TV, 1 is staring blankly at the TV.)

(2 looks over at 1.)

(Beat.)

2
Are you okay?

1
What?

2
I asked if you were okay.

1
Oh.

(Beat.)

Yeah.

(Beat.)

I’m fine.

2
You sure.

1
Yeah.

2
You didn’t look alright.

1
Well, I am.

(Beat.)

So whatever.

2
You sure?

1
I said yes.

2
Cause it looked like—

1
(Angrily.)
I said I don’t want to talk about it!

2
(Surprised.)
Hey, take it easy—

1
No.

(Beat.)

I’m sorry.

2
It’s okay.

(Beat.)

1
It’s just—

2
It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.

1
Yeah.

(Beat.)

Thanks.

2
No problem.

(Pause.)

(1 turns to 2.)

1
I’m really sorry for snapping on you by the way.

2
It’s okay

1
It’s just—

2
You don’t have to explain.

(Beat.)

I get it.

(Beat.)

(They go back to watching TV.)

(Blackout.)

Play 205: Nothing

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
BRYAN, 17

VINCENT
I can’t believe it.

BRYAN
What?

VINCENT
That it’s over.

BRYAN
School?

VINCENT
Yeah.

BRYAN
Yeah, it is hard to believe how nice it is.

VINCENT
I meant it’s literally hard to believe it’s over.

BRYAN
Long year.

VINCENT
Definitely.

(Beat.)

BRYAN
Wow.

VINCENT
Yeah?

BRYAN
It is hard to believe it’s summer.

VINCENT
Yeah.

(Beat.)

BRYAN
But awesome.

VINCENT
Very.

(Beat.)

BRYAN
What’re you planning on doing?

VINCENT
Practicing a lot of music, reading, relaxing, but mainly

(Beat.)

Nothing.

BRYAN
Nothing?

VINCENT
Nothing.

BRYAN
That sounds like a good idea.

VINCENT
I thought so.

(Beat.)

What’ll you do?

BRYAN
That whole nothing thing sounds beautiful.

VINCENT
It really does.

(He smiles.)

(Blackout.)

Play 204: Who Are You?

CHARACTERS
1, m, early 30s
2, m, early 30s

(2 enters, he is standing outside a house. He walks up to the door and knocks.)

(Beat.)

(There is the sound of someone walking to the door.)

1
(From inside the house.)
Who is it?

2
Hey, it’s me.

(Beat.)

1
Who?

2
(Confused.)
It’s me.

(Beat.)

Come on, open up.

1
I don’t know who you are.

2
You can stop joking.

1
I’m not.

2
Seriously Greg, let me in.

1
Greg?

2
This isn’t funny.

1
I already said I’m not joking.

(Beat.)

(2 starts laughing.)

2
Man, you got me good there.

1
Who are you?

2
I get it already, just cut it out and let me in.

1
I don’t know who you are.

(Beat, a look of confusion and a bit of worry comes over 2’s face.)

2
You’re serious (beat.) aren’t you?

1
If you don’t tell me who you are I’m leaving.

(2 stands looking thoroughly confused.)

2
This better not be a joke Greg.

1
Who the hell is Greg?

(Beat.)

I’m leaving now.

(From inside the house, there is the sound of someone walking away.)

(2 stands still with a look of complete confusion on his face.)

(Beat.)

(He shakes his head, and exits.)

(Beat.)

(Blackout.)