Play 335: Just a Little Ironic

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
SEAN, 17

VINCENT
Know I find incredibly amusing?

SEAN
What?

VINCENT
This minister got in trouble for having sex with a male prostitute, and buying meth.

SEAN
Seriously?

VINCENT
Yeah. Know what’s even better?

SEAN
What?

VINCENT
He was the head of the National Association of Evangelicals.

SEAN
That’s hilarious.

VINCENT
The person who’s the head of an organization that is vehemently homophobic, and is always claiming moral superiority…got in trouble for having sex with a male prostitute and buying crystal meth.

SEAN
Ironic.

VINCENT
Saying that’s ironic is like saying Michael Jackson’s a little pale.

SEAN
Yeah.

(Pause.)

SEAN
So he admitted to all that?

VINCENT
Nope.

SEAN
Why is that not surprising?

VINCENT
Yeah. He said he never had sex with the prostitute.

SEAN
Typical.

VINCENT
But get this.

(Beat.)

He said he wasn’t going to do the meth, but was going to throw it away.

(Beat.)

SEAN
What?

VINCENT
No joke.

SEAN
What the fuck?

VINCENT
I know.

SEAN
He could’ve at least thought of something a little better.

VINCENT
I know.

(Beat.)

It’s way funnier this way though.

SEAN
No doubt.

(Blackout.)