Play 320: If You Don’t Read This Scene, The Terrorists Have Already Won

CHARACTERS
POLITICAN
REPORTER

REPORTER
Thank you for taking time away from your busy schedule to answer a few questions.

POLITICIAN
You’re very welcome.

REPORTER
First off, I would like to address the recent allegations that you’ve been taking bribes. What do you have to say about these charges?

POLITICIAN
They are completely absurd, and it’s all only another attempt from the liberal-media-terrorists to discredit me.

REPORTER
But there are many documents that have been released that seem to provide very convincing evidence. Are these government documents fake?

POLITICIAN
Let me answer your question with a question of my own: if people are questioning the credibility of the leaders of this great nation, then haven’t the terrorists already won?

(Beat.)

REPORTER
Well, I, uh…

POLITICIAN
Think about it.

(Pause.)

REPORTER
Well, for another question. What do you say of the recent charges that you beat a mistress of yours and paid millions of dollars to settle it without bringing it to court? Are these charges fictitious as well?

POLITICIAN
No, those charges are indeed true.

REPORTER
So you don’t deny that you both had a mistress, and physically abused her?

POLITICIAN
No I do not. And I stand by my actions.

(Beat.)

REPORTER
What?

POLITICIAN
I stand by my actions.

REPORTER
You stand by having beaten your mistress?

POLITICIAN
Yes I do.

(Beat.)

REPORTER
I, I…how can you possibly justify those actions?

POLITICIAN
The price of democracy is continued vigilance.

(Beat.)

REPORTER
How does that even apply to this?

POLITICIAN
How can I say to be fighting for freedom if I do not fight for freedom at home as well as abroad?

REPORTER
How is beating your mistress fighting for freedom?

(Beat.)

POLITICIAN
She’s a terrorist.

REPORTER
What?

POLITICIAN
My “affair” with her was in fact an elaborate sting operation I undertook to foil a deadly terrorist plot.

REPORTER
Let me see if I’m getting this right…your mistress was a terrorist who you were sleeping with to gain insight into a terrorist plot, and you beat her to fight for freedom.

POLITICIAN
Yes.

(Pause.)

REPORTER
I think that’s all the questions I have for you.

POLITICIAN
Okay. Well, I’m glad to have been able to offer you with answers to some of the questions that have surely been on many people’s minds.

REPORTER
Yeah…thank you for that.

POLITICIAN
I’m glad to have been able to help clarify some of the accusations that have been made against me.

REPORTER
Well, you certainly did…clarify…all of them. Well, that’s all the time we have, so thanks again for coming on to talk to us.

POLITICIAN
You’re welcome.

(Blackout.)