Play 319: Could I Make This Up?

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
JIM, 17

VINCENT
Everything just seems really depressing to me sometimes.

JIM
Like what?

VINCENT
So many things.

JIM
Like?

(Beat.)

VINCENT
Let me tell you two things I heard on the Daily Show tonight and you’ll understand.

JIM
Okay.

VINCENT
First. Jimmy Dean has released a product that consists of a sausage wrapped in chocolate-chip pancakes.

(Beat.)

On a stick.

(Beat.)

JIM
You’re kidding me.

VINCENT
I wish.

JIM
That’s hilarious.

VINCENT
At first I thought it was.

JIM
And now?

VINCENT
It’s extremely depressing.

JIM
I guess.

(Pause.)

JIM
What’s the other thing?

VINCENT
What other thing?

JIM
That you heard on the Daily Show?

VINCENT
Oh, that. Well, they showed this clip of Stephen Baldwin.

JIM
And?

VINCENT
And he said the following.

(Beat.)

I used to call that a coincidence. Now I call it a Jesus-idence.

JIM
Was he serious?

VINCENT
Completely.

(Jim laughs uncontrollably.)

JIM
That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

VINCENT
It is. Frightening too though.

JIM
For sure.

(Pause.)

VINCENT
And both of those were just in the span of a single Daily Show.

JIM
Yeah.

VINCENT
So depressing.

JIM
There is a bright side to it though.

VINCENT
What?

JIM
It’s also fucking hilarious.

(Blackout.)