Play 263: What Are You Doing Here?

CHARACTERS
PETER, late 20s
BRIAN, late 20s

(Peter is inside an apartment. He opens the door.)

BRIAN
Hey man. Can I come in?

PETER
Yeah, sure.

(Brian walks in. Peter closes the door behind him.)

PETER
What’s up?

BRIAN
Not mush.

(Beat.)

PETER
So.

BRIAN
What?

(Beat.)

PETER
What are you doing here?

BRIAN
Jus sayin’ hi to my bes friend.

(Beat.)

PETER
At two in the morning?

BRIAN
What’re friends for?

(Beat.)

PETER
You’re drunk.

BRIAN
I’m not drunk. Why you’s sayin’ I drunk?

(Pause.)

So I’m drunk, so what? Is two on a Saturday night, a man can’t be drunk?

(Beat.)

PETER
It’s Tuesday morning.

(Beat.)

BRIAN
You’re point?

(Pause.)

PETER
Just tell me what’s happening.

BRIAN
Nothing’s happening.

(Pause.)

You got a nice couch theres.

(Beat.)

PETER
Are you asking me if you can sleep on my couch for the night?

(Beat.)

BRIAN
You’re so smart Peter, you know that? Tha’s what I always sayin’, I say, that Peter, he’s smart.

(Beat.)

PETER
You can’t.

BRIAN
What?

PETER
You barge in here at two in the morning drunk off your ass, won’t give me any explanation, and you expect me to let you stay here?

BRIAN
What’re friends for?

PETER
Get out of here before you puke, I’m not in the mood to have to clean up.

BRIAN
I’ll be clean, I promise.

PETER
Why don’t you ask my chair what happened the last time you said that?

(Pause.)

BRIAN
Lissen Peter, I—

PETER
Call me back when you sober up.

BRIAN
We got in a fight.

(Beat.)

PETER
Sally?

BRIAN
Yeah.

(Pause.)

PETER
I’ll go get you a blanket.

BRIAN
Thanks man.

PETER
Just don’t puke on the couch or it’s off.

BRIAN
I won’t.

(Blackout.)