Play 261: On the Nose…I-Thon (aka, What Subtext? II)

CHARACTERS
MAN
WOMAN

MAN
Hey. You’re really attractive.

WOMAN
Hey. You’re not that attractive but I’m incredibly insecure so I don’t care.

MAN
I want to have sex with you.

WOMAN
I would, but I am a neurotic emotional mess and not ready to be in any sort of relationship right now.

MAN
I don’t want a relationship either.

(Beat.)

Just sex.

WOMAN
I just had a bad break up with a boyfriend and am currently of the opinion that all men are bastards, so I can’t trust you enough to have sex with you.

MAN
I’m on the rebound too, and I know that it would be a bad idea for us to have sex too.

(Beat.)

I still want to have sex with you.

WOMAN
You’re starting to frighten me a little.

MAN
Please, I’m desperate.

WOMAN
That’s incredibly unattractive.

MAN
Please, you’re so beautiful.

WOMAN
Really? I’m insecure and fishing for compliments.

MAN
Yeah, you’re gorgeous—please sleep with me.

WOMAN
I still don’t think I’m ready to have sex with anyone.

MAN
If you get drunk maybe you will be. Want to come over for a drink?

WOMAN
I know that’s a terrible idea, but the attention you’re showing me makes me feel so good.

(Beat.)

Sure.

MAN
Awesome.

WOMAN
This isn’t going to end well.

(Blackout.)