Play 260: You Can’t Be Serious

CHARACTERS
DANIEL, late 20s
JOHN, late 20s
SUSAN, late 20s

(Daniel and Susan are lying in bed in an apartment.)

(There is a knock at the door. They look at each other.)

SUSAN
What should we do?

DANIEL
I don’t know.

(Beat.)

Go in the bathroom.

SUSAN
You can’t be serious.

DANIEL
It could work.

SUSAN
This isn’t a bad romantic comedy.

DANIEL
What else can we do?

(There is another knock.)

We don’t have time for this, just get in!

(She goes into the bathroom and closes the door behind her.)

(Daniel goes to the door and lets John in.)

DANIEL
Hey.

JOHN
How’s it going?

DANIEL
Not too bad. You?

JOHN
Same.

(Beat.)

She’s not here yet?

DANIEL
No.

JOHN
I thought she was coming before me.

DANIEL
Really?

JOHN
Yeah, I couldn’t get off work until now, but she was off a while ago.

DANIEL
Really?

JOHN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

DANIEL
She probably just had to do something and forgot about it.

(Beat.)

Maybe we should just meet her at the bar.

JOHN
I don’t mind waiting.

(Beat.)

You mind if I use the bathroom?

DANIEL
Wait!

JOHN
What?

DANIEL
I’ve been having some problems with it. The toilet keeps overflowing, so it’s probably not a good idea to use it.

JOHN
Okay.

DANIEL
They have one at the bar if you want to go.

JOHH
Don’t worry about it, it can wait.

(Pause.)

Taking a nap?

DANIEL
What?

JOHN
Your bed’s pretty messy.

DANIEL
Oh.

(Beat.)

Yeah, I was really tired.

(Beat.)

That’s why it took me a bit to get to the door.

(Beat.)

JOHN
You got anything to drink?

DANIEL
Yeah, sure. Beer?

JOHN
Yeah.

(Daniel takes a beer from the fridge and gives it to John.)

JOHN
Thanks.

DANIEL
No problem.

(Long pause.)

JOHN
Maybe we should go.

DANIEL
Yeah, you know Susan, always late.

JOHN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

I’ll give her a call and tell her to meet us at the bar.

(He reaches for his phone.)

DANIEL
One second.

JOHN
What?

DANIEL
Why waste time, we can call on the way there.

(Beat.)

JOHN
Okay.

(They exit the apartment.)

(Pause.)

(Susan exits the bathroom.)

(Her phone rings, she picks it up.)

SUSAN
Hey honey.

(Beat.)

Yeah, I’m sorry, had to run some errands.

(Pause.)

Okay, I’ll see you and Daniel there in a bit.

(Blackout.)