Play 253: Here I Am Talking About Honesty and…

CHARACTERS
1, m
2, f

1
Oh?

2
(laughing)
Yeah, it’s been an odd day.

(Beat.)

This other thing happened too.

(Beat.)

1
Yeah?

2
Yeah. So today, this woman at work turned to me and she said…

(Beat.)

Are you listening?

(Beat.)

1
What?

2
It’s nothing.

(Pause.)

2
So this woman.

(Beat.)

1
Yeah.

2
She says to me.

1
Yeah.

(Beat.)

2
She says, if you aren’t paying attention to this, and are just staring off and muttering “yeah”s—

1
Yeah?

2
Then I’m going to cut off your fucking penis.

(Beat.)

1
What?

(Pause.)

2
I have something I need to tell you.

1
What?

2
It’s something I’ve been hiding from you.

1
Yeah?

(Beat.)

2
So here it is.

1
Okay.

2
I’ve been lying to you about my job.

(Beat.)

You want to hear what I really do for a living?

1
What?

2
I’m a stripper. (beat.) No, I lied. Here I am talking about honesty and telling the truth and I’m still lying, what’s wrong with me?

(Pause.)

I’m a hooker.

(Beat.)

1
Yeah.

2
Yeah, while I said I was out at the office, I was really out there selling my body for money. (beat.) and coke too, how could I forget, I do love my blow.

1
Oh?

(Long pause.)

2
You’re a real asshole, you know that?

(Beat.)

1
What?

(Pause.)

2
Nothing.

(Pause.)

1
Okay.

(Blackout.)