Play 84: Just Don’t

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
CRITIC

(Vincent is lying on a bed staring up at the ceiling, the critic is sitting in a chair a few feet away.)

VINCENT
You don’t have to say anything.

CRITIC
What?

VINCENT
Like “Oo, that’s original, a critic scene!” or “Wow this scene suck.”

CRITIC
I wasn’t going to.

VINCENT
Sure. (Beat.) Just don’t.

CRITIC
I won’t.

VINCENT
Good, cause I fucking know.

CRITIC
Okay.

VINCENT
And I’m in a shitty enough mood already without having to hear any more from you.

CRITIC
Then I won’t say anything.

VINCENT
Good.

(Pause.)

And it’s not like it’s easy writing this, it takes energy. And you know what, I don’t have the energy to do anything actually interesting or insightful or new or anything, okay?

CRITIC
Yeah, I wasn’t saying anything—

VINCENT
Keep it that way.

CRITIC
Okay.

VINCENT
Cause you know, if you try to give me any shit (beat.) well I really feel like punching someone right now, and it might as well be you.

CRITIC
I’m not going to say anything.

VINCENT
Not even that I stole that last line from Six Feet Under?

CRITIC
No.

VINCENT
You were going to say it if I hadn’t.

CRITIC
No, I wasn’t.

VINCENT
Whatever.

(Pause.)

CRITIC
You know, you’re kind of taking my job.

VINCENT
What?

CRITIC
I’m the critic, not you.

VINCENT
What did I say about criticizing me?

CRITIC
That hardly qualifies.

VINCENT
Yeah, well just shut the fuck up.

CRITIC
I’m not saying—

VINCENT
Shut.

The.

Fuck.

Up.

(Critic sits in silence.)

(Pause.)

CRITIC
Shitty mood?

(Vincent turns his head to him and gives him a cold look.)

VINCENT
Are you serious?

CRITIC
I’ll shut up.

(Blackout.)