Play 80: Time For a Commercial Break

CHARACTERS
REPORTER, male
CORRESPONDENT, female


(The reporter is sitting behind a desk at on a new show set, there is a spotlight on him and the rest of the set is dark. He is staring intently at the audience and there is a sheet of paper resting on the desk in front of him.)

REPORTER
Breaking news: it appears we have not been covering the news.

(Beat.)

For more on this startling discovery, we’ll go to the field with our generic female correspondent.

(Suddenly the spotlight sweeps to the side of the stage where the correspondent is standing holding a microphone.)

CORRESPONDENT
Thank you Generic Reporter. I’m here live at Disneyland, and yes, shockingly, it appears we, the media, have not been covering the news. Apparently, over the past week we have reported solely content from a fictitious news site. We were not aware of this, and would like to apologize for the reports we have given based on this false information, including the fact that Fidel Castro died, and then came back to life to rule his nation as an evil empire of doom, and also the story that Guinea Bissau was not in fact a country but rather a creation of the liberal Jews. We apologize profusely for these statements, and would like to state that Fidel Castro is in fact still alive, and not an undead beast from hell that breaths fire, and Guinea Bissau is in fact a country, though we still have our doubts about Burkina Faso. That’s all I have for now, but I will be back with new developments in this stunning case.

(Beat.)

Generic Female Correspondent, ZRQ News, Disneyland.

(the spotlight pans back over to the reporter.)

REPORTER
Thank you for that report.

(Shaking his head.)

Shocking, just shocking.

(Beat.)

Next, we would like to report a stunning story of tragedy, comedy, love, and yes, hope. That’s right, it turns out the lich-king Fidel Castro has taken the country of Jomamaland under control in a feat of unprecedented military—

(A paper is thrown onto the desk in front of him, he stops in mid-sentence to look at the sheet.)

REPORTER
Oh, I’m sorry, I am being informed that this story as well has been found to be based on faulty information.

(Beat.)

Well, back to the real news. Our next story…

(He starts looking around the desk, and then frantically searching through the papers on it.)

(Pause.)

(He starts sweating and looking panicked.)

Oh, here we go!

(He pulls out one sheet.)

It appears the government has uhh,

(Beat.)

(He appears to be frantically skimming over the sheet.)

They have been umm, trying to push for legislation…

(He drops the piece of paper, it flips over on the desk and it becomes apparent the sheet is blank.)

(The reporter looks extremely nervous, he is sweating profusely.)

And it looks like it’s time for a commercial break!

(Blackout.)