Play 79: “Milk”

CHARACTERS
GEOFF, late 20s
CLERK, mid 20s

(The clerk is standing behind the counter at a convenient store at a gas station. Above him hangs, among other signs advertising various products, a sign that says: “Milk” $1.99.)

(Geoff enters.)

(He looks up at the sign.)

CLERK
Can I help you?

GEOFF
I’m a little confused, do you sell actual milk?

CLERK
(confused.)
Umm (beat.) yes, we do.

GEOFF
Really?

CLERK
Yes.

GEOFF
So it’s really milk?

CLERK
(Confused and a little annoyed.)
Yes.

GEOFF
So it’s not like actually, well, I don’t know, but something else?

CLERK
(Annoyed.)
No.

GEOFF
Then what’s with the sign?

CLERK
What?

GEOFF
The one above your head.

(The clerk looks up at it.)

GEOFF
Well do you see it?

CLERK
What? Looks normal to me.

GEOFF
It does?

CLERK
Yes.

(Beat.)

GEOFF
There are quotation marks around the word milk.

(Beat.)

CLERK
So?

GEOFF
Well why are they there?

CLERK
I don’t know.

GEOFF
So they’re not there to imply that the “milk”

(He makes the quotation mark gesture.)

is in fact not milk, but something else that you are claiming to be milk?

CLERK
For the last time no.

GEOFF
Then why are there quotation marks?

CLERK
(Angry.)
I don’t know!

GEOFF
There has to be a reason.

CLERK
Who knows, I didn’t write it!

GEOFF
Woah, calm down.

(Clerk looks very annoyed.)

(Beat.)

CLERK
So, do you want the milk or not?

GEOFF
Hell no! It has fucking quotation marks around it!

CLERK
I told you it’s nothing.

GEOFF
Well, is it nothing, or “nothing”?

(Makes quotation mark gesture.)

CLERK
Listen, why don’t you just leave?

GEOFF
I will.

(Beat.)

But just asking, my gas isn’t “gas” is it?

(Accompanied with quotation mark gesture.)

CLERK
(Coldly.)
No.

GEOFF
So my car won’t just break down in a few minutes?

CLERK
No.

GEOFF
Well, I guess I’ll have to take your word for it.

CLERK
Are you leaving yet?

GEOFF
Yeah.

(He starts to leave.)

(He turns back.)

GEOFF
And get that sign fixed.

(He exits.)

(The clerk stands in silence for a few seconds.)

(He picks up a half-empty bottle of milk from behind the counter. He brings it close to his eyes and inspects it for a few seconds. Suddenly a look of shock overtakes his face.)

CLERK
What the…

(Blackout.)