Play 42: People These Days

CHARACTERS
ANDREW, early 30s
CLERK, early 20s
GEORGE, early 20s

(Andrew is standing in front of the counter at a corner store, a holding a pack of cigarettes.)

ANDREW
Here you go.

(He hands the clerk a few dollars.)

CLERK
Thank you.

ANDREW
You’re welcome.

(George enters.)

(Andrew starts to walk outside, takes a cigarette out and puts it in his mouth. He pulls a lighter and moves to light the cigarette.)

GEORGE
You really shouldn’t do that you know.

(Andrew pauses in the middle of lighting his cigarette.)

ANDREW
What?

GEORGE
Smoke.

ANDREW
I know.

GEORGE
Do you know what that does to your lungs?

ANDREW
(Dripping with sarcasm.)
Oh my god, no! Thank god for a good-hearted passerby such as yourself or I would’ve lived in a cloud of delusion for (beat.) who knows how many years!

GEORGE
Excuuuuuse me, I was trying to save your life.

ANDREW
Well, thank you for the compassion Mr. Pompous Dick, but you can go fuck yourself.

(He lights his cigarette and dramatically takes a drag, and blows the air out in George’s face.)

GEORGE
Hey, what the fuck?!

(Andrew walks out of the store.)

(George walks up to the counter.)

GEORGE
God, people these days.

CLERK
Yeah.

(Pause.)

(George pulls out a gun.)

(The clerk looks at it in surprise.)

GEORGE
So yeah, empty out the cash register, you know the drill.

(The clerk nervously does so.)

GEORGE
Put it in a bag.

(He puts the money in a plastic bag, his hands are shaking. He hands him the bag.)

GEORGE
People these days, ehh?

(He walks out of the store with the bag of money, putting the gun away as he leaves.)

(The clerk stares at the door George just left through in shock. His hands still havn’t moved from where they were when he handed him the bag, and are still shaking.)

(Beat.)

CLERK
(with a confused look on his face.)
What the fuck?

(Pause.)

(He reaches for a phone on the counter, and hits a few buttons.)

CLERK
Hi (beat.) someone just robbed my store.

(Blackout.)