Play 123: Bad Doormat

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 17
ALISON, 17

(They are sitting on a couch watching television.)

VINCENT
Isn’t it hilarious?

ALISON
What?

VINCENT
Tim Duncan’s voice.

ALISON
I guess.

VINCENT
It’s so unexpected.

ALISON
That’s true.

VINCENT
I mean, he’s fucking gigantic, and then has a pretty high pitched voice, it’s so funny.

ALISON
It is pretty amusing.

VINCENT
Yeah, I love it when people’s voices completely don’t fit them.

ALISON
Yeah.

(Beat.)

Or their personalities.

VINCENT
Yeah.

(Beat.)

Sometimes I feel like I’m like that.

ALISON
Hmm…

(Pause, she appears to be thinking.)

That is kind of true.

VINCENT
Yeah.

ALISON
I mean you’re what, 6’2’’?

VINCENT
Almost.

ALISON
And pretty strong I’d guess.

VINCENT
Kind of.

ALISON
But then you’re like the least scary person ever.

(He laughs.)

VINCENT
Yeah, I’m about as not violent as you can get.

ALISON
I can’t imagine you actually hitting someone.

VINCENT
I can’t either really.

(Beat.)

I want to sometimes, but I can’t see myself actually doing it.

ALISON
Yeah.

(Pause.)

And, you’re just such a passive person in general—no offense meant.

VINCENT
None taken, I am.

ALISON
Yeah.

VINCENT
I must be the largest doormat ever.

(She laughs.)

ALISON
And impractical, I mean, you can’t be a very effective doormat, people would just trip over you. Either that or have to awkwardly step over you.

(He laughs.)

VINCENT
I can’t even be a good doormat, it is truly a sad state of affairs.

ALISON
Indeed.

(They laugh.)

(Blackout.)