Play 114: The Return of…

CHARACTERS
RAM, male, 16
MAN, early twenties
WOMAN, early twenties

(The man and woman are walking through a park talking.)

MAN
Did you really say that?

(She laughs.)

WOMAN
Yeah.

(They laugh.)

MAN
That’s great. I mean, if anyone deserves that, it’s him.

WOMAN
Definitely.

(The super hero, clad in standard superhero gear—i.e., cape, etc—and a shirt with the letters “R” “A” and “M” on it.)

RAM
(To audience.)
This looks like a job for…Random Awkward Man!

(The man and woman look over at him, having obviously heard what he said to the audience.)

(Pause.)

(Random Awkward Man runs offstage.)

(Beat.)

MAN
That was (beat.) odd.

WOMAN
Yeah, really.

(They start walking again.)

MAN
Wait.

(They stop walking.)

MAN
What were we talking about?

WOMAN
I’m not sure.

(Suddenly RAM enters, holding something behind his back. The man and woman don’t seem to notice.)

(He sneaks up behind them quietly.)

(He suddenly whips his arm out from behind his back and hurls a dead pigeon at them. It falls on the ground in between them.)

(They look down at it with confusion.)

MAN
Is (beat.) is that a dead pigeon?

WOMAN
I think it is.

MAN
That’s kind of disturbing.

WOMAN
Yeah.

(Pause, they stare at the pigeon for a second or two, then look up at RAM. He is standing still, having remained in the position he was when he threw it—the arms that threw it still outstretched.)

(Pause.)

RAM
(Yelling surprisingly loudly.)
It looks like my job here is done!

(He bolts off stage, humming a triumphant sounding song quite loudly.)

(Pause.)

MAN
That might be the strangest thing that’s happened to me in a long time.

WOMAN
Definitely.

(Beat.)

And just so (beat.) random.

MAN
Yeah.

(Beat.)

(RAM suddenly re-enters.)

RAM
And don’t forget awkward!

(The man and woman turn to look at him, but he immediately exits.)

(Pause.)

WOMAN
Oh, I think I remember what I was talking about.

MAN
Really?

WOMAN
Yeah, so I was in the office, right?

MAN
Yeah?

(They go back to walking.)

(Lights down.)