Play 106: Too Much Money

CHARACTERS
NEAL, 17
GEOFF, 17

(They are sitting on a couch watching an episode of MTV Cribs.)

NEAL
Some people have way too much money.

GEOFF
Definitely.

NEAL
I mean…look at this show…is that fucking car made of gold?

(He points to the TV.)

(Pause, Geoff looks at the TV.)

GEOFF
I’m pretty sure it is.

NEAL
Why?

GEOFF
No idea.

NEAL
I mean, not only that, but a Ferrari and a fucking hummer? That’s just ridiculous.

GEOFF
Know what’s my favorite example of being way too rich though?

NEAL
What?

GEOFF
In history we got this sheet called the “Capitalist Hall of Fame” which just talks about ridiculously rich people in the early 1900s I think.
‘
NEAL
…And?

GEOFF
Well, this one guy went to a restaurant and people were sitting at his favorite table, so he bought the restaurant, had them evicted, and left the deed to the restaurant as a tip to his waiter.

(Neal laughs.)

NEAL
That’s fucking hilarious.

GEOFF
I know. And the same guy left twenty thousand dollars as a tip to some random bag person at a train station.

NEAL
What a crazy bastard.

GEOFF
I know. It would be sweet to have been that waiter or bag guy though.

NEAL
Definitely.

GEOFF
Like your just standing there, hating your job and dealing with another obnoxious rich person one second, and the next you’re fucking rich.

NEAL
That really does bring the whole having too much money thing to a new level.

GEOFF
Yeah, it really does.

NEAL
I mean, if you have that money, why don’t you just give it to charity or something worthwhile if you have no idea what to do with it?

GEOFF
Cause then you’d be generous and not just eccentric and crazy, and heaven forbid anyone do that.

NEAL
Yeah.

(Pause.)

(They sit watching the TV.)

GEOFF
What can you even do with that?

(He gestures at the TV.)

NEAL
No clue, but I bet you it cost a hell of a lot of money.

GEOFF
No question.

(Blackout.)