Play 31: Trust Me, I Know (aka, This Actually Is Fictitious)

CHARACTERS
PAUL, 17
MARK, 17

(They are sitting on a couch in the middle of the stage.)

PAUL
What the fuck am I gonna do?

(Beat.)

MARK
What do you mean?

PAUL
I said what am I—

MARK
(Interrupting him.)
No, I heard what you said. I mean what the hell are you talking about.

PAUL
What do you mean?

(Beat.)

MARK
She told me she likes you.

PAUL
Exactly! What the hell am I gonna do?

MARK
No no, you’re not getting this. She fucking told me she likes you.

PAUL
Yeah. (Beat.) What’s you’re point?

MARK
(Exasperated.)
What is wrong with you? (Beat.) You’ve been in love with her for like two fucking years!

(Beat.)

PAUL
I guess.

MARK
What do you mean “I guess”?! You’re constantly talking about how pretty and cool she is and how you’d give anything for her to like you. Are you listening to me, she told me she likes you!

(Pause.)

PAUL
I heard.

MARK
Then what the hell is wrong with you?!

PAUL
I dunno.

(Pause.)

What am I gonna do?

MARK
What do you mean?! You ask her out, you’ve been dreaming about this forever!

PAUL
Yeah, I should. Maybe I will.

MARK
Maybe?!

PAUL
Yeah.

MARK
Do you have any idea how frustrating you are?

PAUL
(Pause.)
Yeah.

(Pause.)

MARK
I just don’t fucking get it man.

PAUL
Me either.

MARK
What?

PAUL
Trust me, I’m more frustrated with myself then you could ever be.

MARK
Yeah?

PAUL
Yeah.

(he sighs.)

(Beat.)

MARK
But seriously man, you do have to ask her out.

PAUL
I know.

(Beat.)

I mean I know I should.

(Pause.)

MARK
So are you going to?

(Pause.)

PAUL
Maybe.

(Mark sighs in frustration.)

MARK
I swear to god man. (Beat) Do you mean that maybe as an actual maybe or as an “I mean no but am not actually going to say it?

(Pause, no response.)

So the latter?

PAUL
Probably.

(Mark sighs.)

MARK
You’re hopeless man.

PAUL
Yup.

MARK
You really have no idea how frustrating you are.

PAUL
Trust me, I know.

MARK
You no longer have any right to complain ever again. You know that, right?

PAUL
Yeah. I probably still will though.

(Pause.)

MARK
Fuck man, you have no idea how much I’d give to be you right now.

PAUL
Trust me, you don’t want to be.

(Pause.)

MARK
Yeah, I guess you’re right.

PAUL
Yeah.

MARK
But she man, she fucking likes you, that’s awesome!

PAUL
I know.

(Pause.)

MARK
And you’re not going to do anything about ti?

PAUL
Probably not.

MARK
So no?

PAUL
Yeah.

(Pause.)

MARK
You’re fucked up man.

(Beat.)

Let’s guess, “trust me, I know.”

(Pause)

PAUL
Yeah.

(Blackout.)