Play 127: Why I Hate Most Mainstream Movies

CHARACTERS
SPECIAL EFFECTS
FIGHT SCENE
PLOT
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
ACTUAL GOOD MOVIE

(A man with a sign on him the says “Special effects” and another with a sign that says “Fight Scene” are in the middle of the stage. They are fighting in slow-motion, a la Matrix, and there are a flurry of flashing lights and pyrotechnics combined with bursts of noise and various other effects.)

(A man with a sign that says “Plot” enters.)

PLOT
Hey.

(The other two continue their slow-motion fighting and ignore him.)

PLOT
Uhh, guys…didn’t you invite me to come?

(Pause.)

Come on, isn’t there something I can do?

(Pause.)

Fine, I see how it is.

(He walks off.)

(Pause, they continue fighting, and the special effects in the background continue.)

(A woman with a sign that says “Character Development” enters.)

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
Hey.

(Pause, they ignore her.)

Are you guys just going to ignore me again.?

(Pause.)

I should’ve fucking known.

(She exits angrily.)

(Pause.)

(A man with a sing that says “Actual Good Movie” enters.)

(He stands in silence watching them fight.)

(Pause.)

(He shakes his head, and exits silently.)

(The two continue fighting.)

(Suddenly they stop.)

SPECIAL EFFECTS
They left, right?

FIGHT SCENE
Yup.

SPECIAL EFFECTS
Sweet.

FIGHT SCENE
Totally.

(They commence the slow-motion fighting again.)

(Suddenly there is a gigantic burst of light and flames, and then the entire stage is covered in smoke.)

(Lights down.)