Play 295: Footnotes

CHARACTERS
STUDENT, 17
TEACHER, late 30s

(A classroom, there are desks in a semi-circle around the room, and a table with a chair behind it in front of the chalkboard. The teacher has a packet of papers in his hand and is standing by the door. The student picks up his backpack and walks towards the door.)

TEACHER
We need to talk.

STUDENT
About the…

(Beat.)

What about?

(The teacher holds up the packet.)

TEACHER
This.

STUDENT
What about it?

(Beat.)

TEACHER
Do I really have to tell you?

STUDENT
Was it too long? I remember you said we could go over seven pages if we needed to, and mine’s only nine—

TEACHER
You know that’s not what I mean.

STUDENT
Then what?

(Beat.)

TEACHER
Your footnotes.

STUDENT
My footnotes?

TEACHER
Yeah.

STUDENT
Did I mess up the format for them? I always do that.

TEACHER
No, the format’s fine.

STUDENT
What’s the problem then?

TEACHER
Well, for instance there’s this book you said you took a quote from.

STUDENT
Which book?

TEACHER
(Reading from the packet)
The Delta Blues: Why Howlin’ Wolf is the Man.

STUDENT
I know, the title’s a little informal, but the information—

TEACHER
You said in your footnote that you wrote it.

(Beat.)

STUDENT
Your point?

TEACHER
You didn’t write a book.

STUDENT
Yes I did. I happen to be an expert on…

(Beat.)

What was the paper on again?

(Pause, the teacher shakes his head.)

TEACHER
And that’s not even the only problem.

STUDENT
What else is there?

(Beat.)

TEACHER
For one of your quotes, you wrote the following for your footnote.

(He flips a page.)

TEACHER
(Reading)
Some dude told me it once.

(Beat.)

STUDENT
So?

TEACHER
Sadly, some dude told me it once is not a reliable source.

STUDENT
He seemed to know what he was talking about.

(Pause.)

TEACHER
And then there’s this.

STUDENT
What?

(Beat.)

TEACHER
Your fifteenth footnote.

STUDENT
What about it?

TEACHER
It just says, I’m awesome.

STUDENT
So?

(Beat.)

TEACHER
(Shaking his head)
I don’t even know why I try sometimes.

(Beat.)

STUDENT
Any more problems?

TEACHER
Get out of my classroom.

STUDENT
See you tomorrow.

(Student exits.)

(Teacher sighs, shakes his head, and sits down in the chair by the table.)

(Beat.)

(He walks over to a cabinet off to the side and takes out a bottle of whiskey and a glass.)

(Blackout.)