Play 181: Yet Another Return of…

CHARACTERS
MAN 1, late 20s
MAN 2, late 20s
RANDOM AWKWARD MAN, male, 16

(The two men are sitting in a café drinking coffee.)

(2 takes a sip of his.)

1
Good?

2
Great.

1
Yeah, told you.

2
Yeah, thanks for bringing me here.

1
You look like hell.

2
Yeah.

1
Long week?

2
Very.

(RAM enters the coffee shop.)

RAM
(To audience, whispering.)
This looks like a job for…

(Yelling.)
Random Awkward Man!

(Everyone in the coffee shop turns towards him in surprise.)

(Beat, they stare at him, he remains still. After a couple seconds, they all turn back to their conversations.)

(RAM walks over to the two men.)

1
What happened?

2
Just a lot of work.

(They look up and notice RAM standing directly next to them.)

1
(To RAM.)
Uhh, can I help you?

(RAM remains silent.)

2
Hello?

(Beat.)

1
Can you please leave?

(RAM reaches into his pocket, and his hand comes out with a bouncy ball, which he proceeds to hurl at the table. Both the men are startled as the ball flies off the table, ricochets of the window behind them, and bounces on the floor a couple times before vanishing into a corner.)

2
Look, can you please leave?

(RAM remains still.)

1
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?

(Beat.)

(RAM pulls out a handgun.)

1
(Frightened.)
Hey, take it easy!

2
Please, don’t shoot!

RAM
It’s okay, it’s only a quirt gun!

(The two men sigh in relief.)

1
Oh, thank god.

RAM
See?

(He points the gun towards man 1 and shoots it. From the loud noise of the gunshot, and from man 1 being launched out of his seat and onto the ground, it is clear it is in fact a real gun.)

(2 Stares in horror, unable to move, everyone else in the coffee house screams and either takes cover under tables or runs out the door.)

RAM
Away!

(He puts the gun away, and runs off, humming something faintly.)

(2 remains staring in horror, 1 remains motionless on the ground with a pool of blood gradually growing around him.)

(Blackout.)