Play 52: What a Psycho (aka, One of the More Frightening Experiences of This Trip.)

CHARACTERS
BEN, 17
CRAZED MAN, late 40s

(They stand in a store in a crowded marketplace. CM is wearing a long robe and has long thinning hair and a bald spot. There is a string instument in his hand.)

BEN
I’m not even sure I want to buy it.

CM
Just name your price.

BEN
I told you I’m not sure I want to get it. (beat.) How much you want for it?

CM
150 dollars for this one.

BEN
That’s a little much.

CM
Then how much will you pay?

BEN
I told you, I don’t really want it.

CM
Name a price.

BEN
I don’t want—

CM
Say your price, it will make me happy.

BEN
Umm, I don’t really want it.

CM
But if you did?

BEN
I dunno.

CM
But if you did?

I dunno, umm (beat.) 30 dollars.

CM
Your price is low, mine is high, we will find a place in the middle. Bargain, it’s the Moroccan way.
(he smiles slightly fakely.)
See, I’m smiling, it is the Moroccan way.

BEN
Yes, but I don’t think I want it.

CM
Fine fine, 120 dollars. There, better?

BEN
Look, I don’t really want it.

(Tries to walk away, CM walks in front of him.)

CM
100 dollars,

BEN
I don’t want it.

(Tries to get away, CM grabs his arm.)

CM
It is a good price.

BEN
I know but—

CM
I need money for my family.

BEN
I’m sorry, but I don’t—

CM
Fine then, 85 dollars!

BEN
I don’t—

CM
70!

BEN
Look, I don’t want it, maybe later, okay?

CM
60!

BEN
I need to think about it. Maybe later.

(He walks off, CM chases after him and grabs his arm.)

CM
Fine, 30 dollars, you have it your way!

BEN
I don’t want it.

(he starts walking off.)

CM
(running after him.)
You said 30!

BEN
I didn’t mean it.

CM
You are playing games! This is no game!

BEN
I don’t want it!

CM
You said 30! I give it to you for 30!

BEN
I don’t want it!

CM
You break the deal!

BEN
There is no deal!

CM
You said 30!

BEN
I said if I wanted it!

CM
If? There is no if!

BEN
I said “if!”

CM
You did not!

BEN
I did!
(Pause.)
Look, I’m sorry but—

CM
Sorry doesn’t put food on my table!

(Ben exits.)

(CM chases towards the side of the stage Ben exited from and stands next to the exit.)

CM
You are spitting on Morocco! You have offended my country!
(Pause.)
Wait!

(He runs offstage.)

(Blackout.)