Play 20: Bad Jew

CHARACTERS
VINCENT, 16
JESSE, 16

VINCENT
Well, now that Thanksgiving’s over you know what time it is.

JESSE
What?

VINCENT
(Sarcastically.)
Christmas shopping time!

JESSE
Yeah.

VINCENT
I personally am ecstatic.

JESSE
Come on, Christmas isn’t so bad.

VINCENT
You just say that cause you actually celebrate it.

JESSE
So?

VINCENT
You’re a bad Jew.

JESSE
Come on, a lot of Jews nowadays celebrate it.

VINCENT
I personally celebrate it in the traditional Jewish style: going out to a Chinese restaurant and going to the movies.

JESSE
Nice.

VINCENT
Yeah. Sometimes I even go all out with the Jewish tradition of killing Jesus.

JESSE
Nice touch there I must say.

VINCENT
Yup, it really is the only way to spend the holidays.

JESSE
Of course.

(Pause.)

You know you have a weird obsession with the joke of killing Jesus.

VINCENT
Ehh, I don’t use it that much.

JESSE
In you’re brief attempt at a webcomic, in one of your scenes, now…

VINCENT
I guess I do. You gotta admit it’s funny though.

JESSE
Yeah. Sometimes at least.

VINCENT
Ouch. I believe I just got served.

JESSE
Indeed you did.

VINCENT
And by a bad Jew no less.

JESSE
Says the one who doesn’t even keep kosher.

VINCENT
(Puts finger to lips.)
Shhh.

JESSE
You’re really strange, you know that right?

VINCENT
Of the many things I am, delusional is not one of them.

JESSE
True enough.

VINCENT
Indeed.

JESSE
You know you use that word a lot too.

VINCENT
So, it’s awesome.

JESSE
That word too.

VINCENT
Word repetition nazi.

JESSE
Yup.

VINCENT
So now you’re not just a bad Jew, but a self proclaimed nazi.

JESSE
Oy vey.

VINCENT
Indeed.

JESSE
Hey, you just said it again.

VINCENT
Indeed.

JESSE
You’re hopeless.

(Blackout.)