Play 16: No One’s a Saint

CHARACTERS
ROBERT, 16
ALBERT, 16

(They sit at a table eating a lunch.)

ROBERT
I disagree, I think it makes him a better person.

ALBERT
What do you mean, he’s been lying to everyone the entire time.

ROBERT
So what.

ALBERT
Well, lying doesn’t generally help you’re being a saint.

ROBERT
Of course the lying itself doesn’t make him a better person. My point is that, even though he lied about being religious, doesn’t the fact that he tries so hard to make the lives of everyone better just for the sake of making their lives better mean more than if he did it so he’d go to heaven?

ALBERT
I guess so, I still think that doesn’t balance out the fact that he’s lied to everyone for so long though.

ROBERT
I still think it means more that he’s being a good person just because he knows it’s right and not for a reward in the afterlife.

ALBERT
Just because he’s not doing it for the afterlife doesn’t mean it’s completely selfless.

ROBERT
How so?

ALBERT
Maybe he just tries to help everyone else to give his life meaning.

ROBERT
Well, just because he wants meaning in his life doesn’t mean he’s selfish.

ALBERT
No, but it’s the same as if he did it for religion.

ROBERT
No It’s not, then it would just be so he’d be happier in the afterlife.

ALBERT
And this is so he’ll be happy in this life.

ROBERT
But he’s miserable.

ALBERT
So, it even said somewhere in the story he does all that stuff to distract himself from his misery. It’s really just the same as if he did it religion, one’s so he’ll be happier in the afterlife one’s so he’ll be happier in this life. Even if he isn’t happy, he’s still just attempting to be on some level.

ROBERT
I guess you have a point. If you think about it hard enough no one is truly altruistic.

ALBERT
I think some acts are truly selfless.

ROBERT
Name one.

ALBERT
Helping feed the poor or help out people in worse situations.

ROBERT
Didn’t you just say don Manuel was just doing stuff like that to help himself feel better?


ALBERT
Yeah, I guess so. How bout if someone sacrifices their life for someone else, then it can’t be so they’ll feel better because they’re gone after it.

ROBERT
That’s a good point.

(He thinks about it for a couple seconds.)

But what if you just do it because you want to make your legacy better?

ALBERT
What do you mean?

ROBERT
You could just sacrifice yourself so people would remember you as a good person.

ALBERT
Yeah, I guess.

ROBERT
So you agree with me then.

ALBERT
I guess. But so what?

ROBERT
What do you mean?

ALBERT
So what if there is no altruism.

ROBERT
I dunno, I find it a little depressing.

ALBERT
So what if a person’s motives are never truly selfless, the effect is still the same.

ROBERT
Yeah, I guess.

ALBERT
Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do good things for the sake of doing them, even if it’s also beneficial to you. Doesn’t that make it better really? Everyone wins.

ROBERT
True.

(Pause.)

But then why does the word altruism even exist?

ALBERT
You got me there.

ROBERT
I guess that means don Manuel isn’t a saint after all.

ALBERT
Well, the story is named “San Manuel Bueno, Mártir.” The word “saint” is in the title.

(They laugh.)

ROBERT
No one’s a saint I guess.

ALBERT
So what?

ROBERT
Touche.

(Blackout.)