Play 155: “The Bone Collector”

CHARACTERS
BEN, 17
DMV EMPLOYEE, mid 30s

(The DMV employee is sitting behind a desk at the DMV, Ben is standing in line.)

DMV EMPLOYEE
(Without looking up from a paper.)
Next.

(Ben walks up to the desk.)

BEN
Hey.

DMV EMPLOYEE
Hello, what can I help you with?

BEN
I think there’s an error on my drivers license.

DMV EMPLOYEE
What is wrong?

BEN
I think they misspelled my name.

DMV EMPLOYEE
Okay, may I see it?

BEN
Sure.

(He takes a wallet out of his pocket and takes out his drivers license. He places it on the desk, the DMV employee inspects it.)

DMV EMPLOYEE
How did they misspell it?

BEN
Well, it says Benjamin Rosbrow.

DMV EMPLOYEE
Is there another “s” in Rosbrow?

BEN
No, that part is spelled fine.

(Beat, the DMV employee inspects the card.)

DMV EMPLOYEE
Well, they don’t appear to have misspelled Benjamin.

BEN
They didn’t.

(Beat.)

DMV EMPLOYEE
Then what is the error?

BEN
Well, it says Benjamin Rosbrow, when, it should say Benjamin “The Bone Collector” Rosbrow.

(As he says “The Bone Collector” he makes the quotation mark gesture.)

(Pause.)

DMV EMPLOYEE
Are you serious?

BEN
Completely.

DMV EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry, but we aren’t going to add “The Bone Collector” to your drivers license.

(Also using the quotation mark gesture.)

BEN
Why not?

DMV EMPLOYEE
We just don’t do things like that.

BEN
Oh, okay.

(Beat.)

How about Benjamin “The Hammer of Justice” Rosbrow?

(Using quotation mark gesture.)

DMV EMPLOYEE
No.

BEN
How about just “of Justice”?

(With quotation mark gesture.)

DMV EMPLOYEE
(Interrupting him.)
We won’t add any nicknames.

BEN
None?

DMV EMPLOYEE
None.

BEN
Are you sure you can’t?

DMV EMPLOYEE
Yes.

BEN
Can’t you make an exception?

DMV EMPLOYEE
No.

(Beat.)

BEN
Damn.

DMV EMPLOYEE
Is there anything else I can help you with?

BEN
No, you’re of no use to me.

(He puts the drivers license back in the wallet and leaves.)

(Beat.)

(The DMV employee shakes his head, and looks down to his papers.)

DMV EMPLOYEE
Next.

(Blackout.)