Play 152: You Know It’s Xtreme Because It’s Misspelled!

CHARACTERS
ANNOUNCER

(There is a spotlight on the announcer, who is standing in the middle of the stage with a microphone in his hand.)

ANNOUNCER
Do any of you watch baseball and can’t help but feel just a little bored?

(Beat.)

Or, even those of you who like baseball, do you ever see it and think, gee, I wish there could be a little more action?

(Beat.)

Well, for all of you out there, we have invented a new improved version of baseball that should bring excitement and breath new life back into the sport of baseball! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Extreme Baseball!

(The words “Xtreme Basseballl” are projected in bright red lights onto the ground in front of the announcer just as he finishes saying these words.)

That’s right, Xtreme Basseballl. So Xtreme, it’s spelled with two S’s and three L’s. And only two changes to the rules were necessary to make this momentous transformation.

(Beat.)

The first change is, unlike normal baseball, Xtreme Basseballl is full contact. That’s right, full contact, no exceptions whatsoever.

(Beat.)

And, the second, and even more exciting change, if you can believe that, is…

(Beat.)

Everyone has bats! The first baseman, the shortstop, the catcher, the pitcher, everyone! Most exciting of all is tonight, we have a preview for all you lucky viewers. So, without further ado, here is the world premier of…


(There is the sound of a drum-roll in the background.)

(Yelling.)
Xtreme Basseballl!

(The spotlight fades out, along with the projected letters. Lights up on the side of the stage where several men dressed in baseball uniforms carrying bats stand around each other.)

(Beat.)

(They begin beating each other savagely with their bats, continuing for several seconds. One of them collapses on the ground and another stands above him beating him ruthlessly, and the others continue to brawl with the bats.)

(The lights on them fade out while they continue fighting, and the spotlight goes back up on the announcer where he had been standing before.)

ANNOUNCER
Isn’t it just incredible?!

(Beat.)

And that concludes our preview of Xtreme Basseballl, but tune back in on Monday night at eight o’clock to catch the very first game ever, only on XTV, your home for Xtreme Sports.

(Pause.)

(Suddenly a man with a bat jumps into the spotlight and hits the announcer in the side, knocking him over. He proceeds to beat the announcer as he’s lying on the floor.)

(Fade out on him bashing the announcer repeatedly with the bat.)